LonelyIsolated's commentsComments On: EverythingArticles Blogs Journals Photos created by: EveryoneLonelyIsolated The Aging Narcissistic Parent (2) - Blog Entry28 Dec 2008 10:49 PM Hello Beth, I have been going to therapy for 20 years and just recently broke out of sever depression. I find it very difficult to escape from my mothers reach as she is always needing things and pretends to come and visit for my benefit when she really wants something. She asks people for things she does not even need just to get attention and have them catering to her 'needs'. I get sick seeing people fall for it, yet I am also 'falling' for it as I am still afraid of her rages. Whenever I disagree, she gets argumentative, says I do not 'love her' (what has that got to do with love?) and makes a huge scene so people think I am the evil one. I am just so tired and lonely and afraid to start a new relationship because I have had so many failures and because my mother 'chases away' any woman I find to love. She says the woman is never good enough for me, so I am stuck, catering to my mother....I am losing hope about living my future out and think of just dying. I have no energy for anything anymore.... My sister takes her side and just says I need to help my mother, though my sister lives 2500 km's from my mother.... Escaping the Trap of the Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry24 Nov 2008 09:35 PM I am glad that this article was written, explained and discussed here. I am the oldest man in a family of three children, with a younger brother and older sister. My mother is a narcissitic person I can see now. My father was an alcoholic and there was a lot of violence between him and my mother as a very young child and I saw many terrible tantrums, fights and anger. I was terrified as a child. My mother always tells us that 'she stayed with him because she loves us and she could not have provided for us without him'. That tells me many things, 1 that she purposely exposed us to his neglect and her violence, 2 that she did not want to venture out and get a job to raise us as a single mother, 3 she had no problem with exposing us to violence and rage and physical danger and 4 that she used an alcoholic man to exploit his paycheque even though she did not get along with him. I now find it impossible for me to stay with any woman in a relationship for more than 1 or 2 years and I have gone through at least 20 'girlfriends' in my lifetime. I cannot feel warmth (for very long) towards a woman and feel that eventually, I will be tricked and exploited (financially or just not loved) by the woman I am with, so eventually I just run. My father recently had a heart attack and my mother and sister were out of town and did not come back to be with him until after he was in a coma for 5 days as they were 'busy shopping' out of town. This is true. I cannot see this as a loving relationship. Then, we decided to take my father off of life support and he died soon after. I was 'abused' as a child, but my mother was too afraid to hunt the person down so I suffered from depression for 24 years instead, not knowing why. My mother supports my brother and his lifestyle (no job, free food and rent...) but I can never do enough for her. Now, without my father, she calls and calls to ask for my help. If I get a new girlfriend, she attacks her and she is ostracised and wants to leave me. I am isolated from my family, friends and all meaningful relationships and do not know how to get anything to work with people. maybe you have some ideas... |
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