lucinder's commentsComments On: Everything Articles Blogs Journals Photos created by: Everyonelucinder Dealing with a Narcissistic Family Member28 Oct 2009 03:38 AM Hi Beth, my husband is with me on this one. He says it has always been the same. After the episode with SIL shouting and hurling abuse at her parents her mother opened up more to me and told me she always had to be centre of attention, my husbands appendix burst on her 5th birthday! dont think she ever got over that one! The thing is its been like this for years. The first time i met her my first thought was "mmm this one looks hard work" and she has proved to be. When my children were babies she used to turn up, when i was on my own and sit there slagging my life off... "why dont you put them into childcare...why dont you go out more often... oh my god look at you, you look sooo rough..." i chose to look after my children when they were very young rather than put them into childcare... so what really had it to do with her anyway! I think the main thing that hurts is my inlaws always acused me of being the one that never made an effort with her. i have actually been told by them "we arent a proper family because you dont like our daughter" all i have ever done is be polite and friendly, i have never been over the top because i just dont like her! i can see through her...(doing psychology degree at the moment so maybe i over analyse). i have lost count with the "family rows" that she has caused because my husband has not done what she wants.... so off she goes running to mummy and daddy.... like all 39 year olds do! now she has said the things she has to them, and they have forgiven her! i just havent got time for any of them anymore. my husband agrees with me about the christmas partys etc , and any other do's! my inlaws just seem so blind! all they want is ... quote... "to be a proper family" but how the hell can we be when it is all about feeding "madams" behaviour! Dealing with a Narcissistic Family Member27 Oct 2009 08:47 AM I have a sister in law who is affecting me so personally with her behaviour that i dont know which way to go anymore. i have always thought her attention seeking to a point of OMG! but recently this has just got so bad. quick history, she has always always been my inlaws little princess, she has one brother, my husband. i have lost count of the "invented" arguments she has caused, the dramatics, the illnesses! god lost count! all her children had every illness going. When my MIL was diagnosed with breast cancer 12 years ago she still would dump her baby over her mums (so she could go shopping) while her mother was throwing up after chemo... i turned up i know this is true...screaming baby in pram downstairs.. MIL on her knees in bathroom! this is just one of many many incidents, her mother has constantly dropped everything for her daughter. even when MIL got the all clear from cancer her daughter replied "dont you ever do that to me again!" well over the last 12-14 years i have known her i have always said to my husband that one day they will find out what shes really like. (to them she is perfect)! she didnt work after her children were born (she has 3 -one who is stuck in front of 15+ video games all day he is 7 and apparently "autistic" because he doesnt comunicate properly! hmmmmm, maybe the blood and gore of these videos has affected him???? well, recently she went away for her birthday (she HAS to go away for every occasion or else hubby gets it) she returned, MIL had been looking after her children (again) and when SIL turned up at her own home, the neighbours had forgot to let her dogs out so of corse there was dog mess all over the kitchen.... so SIL drives over to her mothers (who has all the children with her) storms in, grabs the kids, and continues to loose it... "you are crap grandparents.... you are unfit to be parents.... you dont spend any quality time with my children (?)... etc and she ended this by telling them both to F*ck off! when i found out all this i was in absolute shock, as i have said, they have always sided with her, said how lovely and giving she is (yeah yeah yeah i know so different!) well for a week MIL hid round my house because she didnt want her daughter turning up and going off on one again(my FIL was away on business) she sat round my house saying what a shock her behaviour was etc "shes always been gobby (sob sob)" so... what happens... SIL suddenly realises that she has lost her MAIN baby sitter and goes around to my inlaws to apologise(hmmm) and to say she slept with a photo of her mum under the pillow and cried herself to sleep everynight! hense, they said they were glad she had come round and everything could go back to normal!! then my husband and I recieve seperate phone calls at work to say we should forgive her!!!!! i cant put across anymore than i can, but she is NOT a nice person. all the articles i have read on here make sense. i need to know what to do.. i have been invited over to Inlaws for xmas, and to go and be with this cow would be so hypercritical of me (especially as this day is meant to be about love!) i dont want to upset my inlaws but they are just so blinkered! i have put up with her antics for years and years, and i have had enough. i do not want to be part of her life.. how can they expect us to forgive her! they have done everything for her and her family, they have even lied to us about what they do because they know they do too much! her two daughters have changed in the last few years as well, they are 9 and 12 and they fake illnesses and scream (literally ) when they dont get their own way (i have seen this happen, and MIL just pets them etc) i cannot deal with this. |
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