maddiehd's comments

Dealing with a Narcissistic Family Member

30 Mar 2008 08:05 PM

My Mother passed away this week...I found out when a friend read the obituary in their hometown paper. My family of origin has not contacted me, since I confronted my father, the NPD parent, about sexual abuse of my daughter. My Mom was the daughter of an extremely dominating, NPD mother who died only a few years ago. She lived only for my father, and her own mother. I had accepted that this was what it was, and forgave and moved on, setting what I thought were boundaries. Learning about this abuse of my daughter, was devistating. It was later supported by a letter to my parents and siblings from an older cousin, asking for family support of my daughter, and verifying the abuse in her own history with him. Still, no one, my mother or 3 siblings would have any communication. My husband, 2 children and I have been isolated from the entire extended family for a year and a half. Now I hear my mom has died. I am so hurt, angry, sad. I know my father has told all he was falsely confused, but I find the reaction of all of my siblings, and my now deceased mother shocking and painful. I knew our family was very difunctional, and with the help of therapy, kept my distance, worked hard on myself and created a good life for myself and my own family. My siblings moved to another state together when my parents retired. I was grateful for the distance, which provided me even more separation, but I still visited and called, not getting sucked into the never ending drama, but not fighting either. I don't understand my siblings desire to hurt me and my family this way. I think they could still deny the abuse and stand behind their father, and not so cruely deny me of my mother, as she was dying. I don't want to re-engage and connect with this disfunction. I am done. I stand behind my daughter and will not ever forgive my father, but accept that he is a very sick man. I can't believe they cannot see him for what he is, or simply accept me. I don't know how to deal with this death, no funeral, no "end." I understand the sick relationship between my mom and father, know she was not capable of loving me as I needed. I thought I accepted this, but now the pain is devastating. I am 54 years old. Why do I still care? How do I let go?