materialgirl's comments

The experience of losing a parent - Blog Entry

11 Oct 2008 07:53 AM

Below is the entry to the blog about death. I disagree that there is a reasonable time spam to "get over" the loss of a much loved friend or family member. Honestly, do people get over it? Or do we learn to DEAL with the loss. I can't imagine getting over losing my dad. Sorry....

Recently we have been talking about death and how to cope with both the overwhelming feelings of despair that accompany the end of a life. We also looked at just what is a reasonable time spam to get over the loss of a much loved friend or family member.

The experience of losing a parent - Blog Entry

11 Oct 2008 07:45 AM

My father passed away Feb. 07, but it feels like it was yesterday. So many people make the same comments like I should be over it by now or you knew it was coming. The worst one was my brothers gf said "well, at least you will be able to have your own life now". My dad was 65 years old, a young man to me, but he had many health problems so I took care of him for 10 years. My dad was always been my best friend and we had a relationship unlike anyone I ever knew. I have never been close to my mother, she has Borderline Personality Disorder, she was very abusive and still is. She has never known how to be a mother, yet I have been devoted to her as well because my dad always said "she is your mother". She treated all of us like dirt, including my dad whom she divorced for another man and I have a hard time having sympathy for her, she sure didn't feel bad beating all of us. She couldn't wait for my dad to pass so she could be "Number One". I love my mother but I don't like her so I did appreciate the other article about disliked parents. I feel like I have nothing left and ask God how could He take the only thing I had. I will never get over the loss of my dad, my heart bleeds. I think the best way to describe things is when Yambasticks said "that time never heals the pain, time only changes how you handle the pain. Over time you become stronger, knowing full well you can't change anything, that you can't bring back your dead parent, and that things whether we want them to not are changing". This resonates with me and I am going to print it out so I can read it every day. Seeing the headlines here of 'how long does grief last' makes me feel like there will be a day we'll just wake up and say "whew I'm glad that's over". Beth, even your response of "I'm planning some articles shortly on the subject of death and just how long it can take to get over grief from a realistic point of view" sounds the same even though I know you are a very compassionate person and its not the way it reads, it just reads that way to "me". I know I am very sensitive. I also know you know what you're talking about and I appreciate your time, energy and expertise with this website. I have been led here for a reason so I know I will receive some healing in one form or another. I get so much out of what others say who have experienced loss and I thank everyone else for sharing their grief.