megjustmeg's comments

Postpartum depression: Effects on the marriage - Blog Entry

29 Dec 2007 04:19 AM

Thank you, but I'm on disability because of all this and can't afford your services. I'll just continue to search for answers on my own. Thank you though for having a site for me to read.

Postpartum depression: Effects on the marriage - Blog Entry

28 Dec 2007 12:34 PM

I suffered from PPD with my last two children. It was the most horrible experiences of my life - wanting to kill my baby(s), myself, seeing mini-movies in my mind that would blot out reality and all I could see was me smothering my child or forcing the baby to breast so it would stop breathing, yelling at my husband that I was the baby would die in a hysterical, manic reaction to the baby just choking on his milk. I have no doubt what I suffered from.

He tried everything he could to take care of all of us and still try to work. He became angry at me for having PPD. I was angry at me for having PPD. He went from the loving man I knew to someone who was angry all the time and screamed at our kids and me. He was exhausted and I was hopeless to help.

I hated him for hating me for having something I couldn't help. I hated him for yelling and screaming at all of us and making us afraid. I resented him for making me feel like a burden...I knew I was a burden.

I found relief by chatting on the net. I could get away from all of that - me, him, the kids. I hated myself for doing it because all I wanted to be was a good mother and wife like I was before the PPD. I cheated on him. This is so not me. I wanted someone to tell me I was worth something and not a burden. I wanted to get away from the pain that I couldn't show up with my kids even though I loved them with all my heart. PPD ruined my life. We're divorced now and he has the kids. I so desperately want my family back. I don't know what to do, but I know PPD ruined my life, my husband's and my children’s. I so often just want to die and give up. I can't live without them. I never ever wanted for our family to be anything other than a family. Help me please.