Meltowne's comments

Letters Of Apology For Misbehavior

08 Feb 2007 02:43 PM

Good for Tyler!

Not only did you give him the message that he need to take responsibilty for his own actions, but you have given the teacher the massage that she is appreciated - that there is at least one family that is paying attention, and not expecting her to act as a babysitter as well as teacher.

56-Year-Old Australian Gives Birth; Fertility Clinic Under Investigation

08 Feb 2007 11:53 AM

We walk a fine line if we try to stop women from having children as they get older. After all, llok at the age of men who continue to breed (and yes, in many of those cases, they are breeding, not raising children).

On one hand, I don't think we should have a double standard - older men having children with younger women is OK, but not the other way around.

On the other hand, I do wonder about the wellbeing of these children. Our bodies are designed to have children up until a certain point (different for each woman). Are women having children at these ages really prepared to raise them? If the mother is 52 when the child is born, she will be 70 by the time the child is "of age." At that age in the past, things were turned around - 70 would be retired and cared for to some degree by their children.

To me, it looks like vanity. There are plenty of children the world over in need of parents, yet this couple had to have their own "natural" child. To be honest, I see this as not much different than young girls getting pregnant for their own very wrong reasons, like a desire to have something of their own to "love." I just hope she doesn't tire of being a "new" mother again.

Unwanted Advice and Different Children

08 Feb 2007 11:38 AM

Your friend is right on - they don't know her child. I don't mind unsolicited advice if it present with the understanding of what it is. The person giving it doesn't know my children, and has no idea if what worked for the will work for me. I know if I am tempted to offer advice, I wait a moment first, and if I still decide to offer it, to preface it with the admission that I don't know if it will work or not - it is only a suggestion of something that has worked for someone else before (and not even always for me), or ask if advice would be welcome.

As the parent of an Oppositional/Defian child, I have too many times been on the receiving end of comments that ALL children are defiant, and friends who don't understand why I can't afford to "give in" once in a while. If all children responded the same way to everything, it might be easier to parent, but we'd be living in a society of clones. I don't think I want to live in that society. If we reach that point, why bother with parents - we can train a handful of adult to care for all the kids, and the rest of us can go our merry way.

Miss a Parent-Teacher Conference and You're a Criminal?

08 Feb 2007 11:25 AM

Absolutely ridiculous!

First, it won't accomplish anything. The parents who intend to be involved in their children's education make the time to communicate with teachers - whether that is in person, over the phone, or otherwise. Those that don't care won't show up, and will find excuses. Excuses are easy to find.

Second, it gives way too much power to the school administrators! If they pass it, they better have a due process system in place for all the parents who get caught up in it - or are parents considered guilty as soon as the school says so? I have known some teachers who I wouldn't bother having a conference with, because I can't stand their personality or their teaching styles. I've been thankful my children never landed in their classrooms, and maybe that was because the administrators knew not to place my children there.

Some parents want to be involved, but just can't afford it. If you are a single parent, working 2 jobs, you hardly have the time to oversee homework, let alone attend various school "events." Lets see - choose between attending your child's conference, or losing your job because the only way you can get the time off is to SKIP work. Lovely message that sends to the kids too, to ditch work.

Then of course there's the other end of the spectrum. Some parents will attend every meeting the school asks for, and still not do anything about their child's behavior. Their children can do no wrong, and any number of conferences won't change their mind. But, since they will meet with the teacher any time they are asked, they won't fall under this law. There has to be a better way - Maybe improve communication in general, not just face-to-face meetings.

Uh-oh-My Son Got In Trouble At School Today

02 Feb 2007 09:28 AM

Misty, you handled it fine. We do need to support the schools in their punishments.

Valorie, I don't quite agree 100% with you. I think our kids should know when we don't agree with certain rules, provided we explain why we don't agree with them, and that if we choose to not obey those rules, we must be prepared to face the consequences (and work to change the rules). I probably might not have such a discussion with a 5YO, but with a 7 or 8YO I would. I would also let them know when I think the school's punishment is insufficient - not just when someone else's kids does something to mine, but when mine do something as well. I've been on both sides of that fence.

Am I Prepared for the Ritalin Debate?

01 Feb 2007 11:31 AM

Good for you!

Yes, so some children have trouble focusing, but we don't need to dumb them down with medications. We need to minimize them number of distrations, and see wheat other "interventions" and accomodations can help first. Medicating should be a last resort, because it doesn't teach the children to master their difficulties.

Sometimes this means breaking an assignement into smaller parts, and giving the next part as soon as the first part is done - regain the focus. Sometimes it just requires a tap on the shoulder to bring the child back from a daydream. In some cases, the drugs, being stiumulants can make things even worse (beyond the so-called side effects).

We don't do our kids a favor by taking the easy way out. We need to help them learn to focus, learn to control their minds. If they don't learn now, when will they? As adults, when a job is on the line?

California Considers Banning Spanking

19 Jan 2007 08:55 AM

While I understand the concern for younger children- and that's what this is aimed at - I still don't like legislating morality. The resources being wasted on trying to pass this bill would be better spent working with families who abuse their kids - of ANY age.

One one had, if this passes, I can see it as a foot in the door, and next thing you know they're saying why stop at 3, you can't spank a 5 year old, and cream the age up until you can't spank at all. But in all honesty, there are some children where that's the only thing that works - or at least the threat of a spanking. Sure, it hurts. It's supposed to hurt. But there is no lasting damage if done properly.

The other problem I have with it is the arbitrary age. For some children a spanking is the most effective punishment, and when it is, the age it becomes effective varies. With my children, the prospect of a single public swat on the butt is far more effective than any other punishment. With 3 kids, most other punishments would involve punishing the others for one's bad behavior. And my children are small for their age. Would I be required to carry my youngest's passport to prove she's over 3? What about the child who is big for his age? He can be spanked because nobody thinks he's that young?

When I swatted DD's butt in a store last november, and older grandmotherly woman told me "that's child abuse." I told her otherwise, and offered her my cell phone to call Child Protective Services. She really didn't know how to react, probably because she knew I was right. CPS has for more serious troubles to deal with than a child being admonished for crawling under the clothing racks - an 8 year old no less.

The people who want to dictate how we discipline our kids are the same ones who then wonder why kids are so poorly behaved. The answer is to teach parents the difference between disciplining and abusing, and the reality is that this type of law won't do anything about abuse, because people who abuse their kids aren't going to care.

Do You Clean and Disinfect Your Child's Toys?

18 Jan 2007 08:26 AM

Another bath toy tip:

Those wonderful rubber ducks, and other squirting toys - don't leave them sitting with water inside. Quirt them out after every bath, or mildew will grow inside. When doing that quarterly cleaning with the bleach and water, hold them under the water to fill them, and let them sit with the bleach inside for a while. Then shake to loosen anything inside and squirt the water back out.

If they start to look dark, chances are there is mildew or mold inside. If you can't get it all out with a good washing, it's time to get new rubber duckies. Better yet, get the onsed that don't squirt, so no water gets inside where it's hard to clean.

Parents- Control Your Kids' Behavior In School Or You May Have To Pay A Fine

16 Jan 2007 06:17 PM

I agree 100% with the policy, if the principals use is as a tool, the way it appears to be designed. It looks like it's not a zero-tolerance type of policy but one where they have some discretion. I would hope that means that they won't bring it down on parents who are obviously making an effort to discipline their kids, and do use it for those who won't.

I guess I might be considered old-school. I'm not that old, but remember what discipline was like in my schools growing up, and expect the same of my children. Not so, it seems, with other parents. Our old school district had a policy where if children misbehaved on the school bus they were sent to the principal's office. First and second times, they got a warning, and parents were notified. Third time they were suspended from the bus - get this, ONE DAY. Most parents complained that is was unfair to them becuase they aren't on the bus to tell the kids to behave - that's what the bus monitor is for (that's who writes them up in the first place). My daughter served a 1 day suspension after note #2, and a full week on #3. Rather than complaining to the school about how inconvenient it was, I complained to my DD - the one who caused the inconvenience. I noticed at that time that whenever the school called, they apologized (???) for the inconvenience, which to me means they are buying into the parents placing the blame on the school. This was in 3rd grade - never mind that there were issues in 2nd grade I didn't know about because the teacher felt it was a case of immaturity, and DD would "grow out of it." Thanks to a wonderful 3rd grade inclusion teacher, I had DD evaluated and diagnosed as ADHD and more importantly Oppositional Defiant - all kids are defiant, but she's one who is more-so, and has little control over it.

Fast forward to 5th grade (4th grade went pretty well, moved up to the intermediate school for 4-6th grades). The beginning of the year goes well. The Bus driver and monitor know to speak to me directly rather than go through the "bus slip" process because that takes 2-3 days before I hear about it, and by then it might as well have never happened in her mind.

About a month into the year we get a new Bus Driver, then new monitor. Si far, it seems everything is going well. We have out 504-meeting (we don't qualify for an IEP because we perform at grade level), and work out a plan with the teacher to help the year go smoothly. Come February I am called in to take DD home because she gave someone a bloody nose at recess. She says some boys were teasing her, and several classmates restrained her when she tried to chase after them. She head butted one of them. She is now suspended for the next day. School councilor and principal both say she is overeacting, and has self-control issues. The principal "talked to all the kids in the class," and they said DD was in the wrong. Except that one classmate is in DD's scout troop, and her mom and I are co-leaders. She told her mother DD is being teased on a regular basis. DD of course won't talk about it because "nobody listens anyway."

Come early April, she is supended again for a similar event. This time the morning didn't go well with the substitute teacher, and then things got out of control at recess. She will be out of school wednesday, return on thursday with conference with the principal before school. I choose to attend the conference, but not have her return thursday because there will be another substitute while teacher attends curriculum meetings. The one sub who can control this class well is on long-term assignment for a teacher out on maternity leave. I don't want to take her out every time there is a sub, but I'm not sending her back like this. Now I'm told the student who was hurt (one of the teasers) went home and told his father his face hurt and took him to the emergency room for x-rays, so the schools considers this very serious (never mind that he stayed at recess and saw the school nurse later, and she said he was fine).

This time I go the the meeting with a list of my own demands. I want the children who provoked DD to at least be told point blank to stop, so they can't claim they didn't know it hurt her. The school has a no-bullying policy, but it obviously isn't being followed. I cc: the superintendent on my written request (everything must be in writing). Little to nothing appears to have been done. However, a month later, not too long before the school year ends, the Principal mysteriously disappears from the picture. Two teachers are acting as co-administrators. Come to find out, the Principal wasn't punishing any bullies all year, and onl acted when there was physical evidence - hence the kids who finally fought back were the ones punished. She also didn't do anything about bus slips - they piled up in her desk, and the bus drivers were left with no authority.

In this case, I blame the school (or the principal anyway, things were fine in the classroom when the regular teacher was there). But I also blame the parents of the bullies - who had been bullies in 3rd grade, and were getting the message that if they did it out of sight of the teachers it was OK. Like parents who are scared to spank their children (I'm not) because they might be accused of abuse, the schools are scared to discipline as well, because they've bought into the idea that parents shouldn't be "inconvenienced". Either they don't discipline at all, or they have ridiculous zero-tolerance policies, so they can blame the policy instead of making judgement calls.

We moved this year, and now my ADHD/ODD "c" student is mostly an "a" student, without a 504 plan because she hasn't needed it. And to think this school system isn't as highly regarded.