24 Sep 2008 07:11 AM

Worries of a Pregnate Woman

Well today I have finally let myself slow down enough to think through the implications of my last Prenatal appointment a couple weeks ago. He told me that they found a spot on my son's heart. What does that mean? What kind of problems would show up as a spot?

I alread have a special needs son, I really don't want to have another one. Now don't get me wrong, I love this child that my husband and I made together, but all the extra things that come with a special needs child just sucks the life out of me. And right now, I am afraid of where will I get all that energy to deal with more Dr appointments, more fighting with the medical profession so they will listen to me when I say that, yes if fact I know more about what is happening with my child than they do and they need to LISTEN to me. I don't want to have to fight with the school system in order for my child to have an equal chance at the best education he can get.

Now I don't know if this rant is making me seem crazy or maybe just a bad Mom, but my family stuggles, we seemingly bend over backwards for my special needs son in order to give him a normal life. My oldest daughter some times feels left out and if we have another special needs child, that just means even more feelings of being left out and not being special, and I don't want that to become resentment.

And to be honest, I would love to be able to give my husband the son that he was dreaming of the first time we heard the words "It's a boy!"

Yes, there are alot of issues to deal with, however I have finally let myself think about the implications of that spot, however it could be nothing and I'm worrying for nothing.

I hope so.

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