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This topic contains 13 replies, has 13 voices, and was last updated by Kristin1981 5 years, 10 months ago.
October 8, 2007 at 9:03 pm #179926
We have two little girls, 4 & 7. My wife and I have been hanging out with another family whose parents are around our ages and whose kids are our kids ages as well (they have two girls too).
Yesterday, while at their house, my wife noticed that their 4 year old closed the door to her room where she was playing with my daughter. Concerned (as this was not the first time we’ve caught her), my wife went over and opened the door where her daughter had my daughter spread eagle trying to insert objects into my daughter’s private parts. Needless to say, she was livid that this happened again.
We chalked the first time up to curiosity, second time (I was not aware of a second time, but my wife tells me it happened a second time) and this third time, I cannot just let go. This is not a coincidence to me and am afraid that someone may have molested their daughter, who is now acting out on mine.
We have talked to our daughter who tells us she did not want to do those things but was afraid that the other girl would no longer be her play with her or be her friend…. aparently, the other girl tells my girl that she has to do it or she won’t be friends any longer.
While the parents are apologetic, I am concerned and cannot allow my daughter to spend any unsupervised time with theirs and am borderline allowing them to play together at all.
I guess I’m looking for ways to handle this. Short of telling them to take a hike and losing friends that it’s taken a long time to make. At the same time, my daughter’s innocence and well being are my priority and am definately willing to kick them to the curb to make sure it does not happen again, but I’m not sure if that would be over reacting.
They have agreed to take their daughter to a doctor to see why their daughter is doing this. At the same time, they’re avoiding meeting with us to talk about what happened (I was not there at the time) so that we can set some expectations.October 8, 2007 at 11:33 pm #946439
I’ve worked with a lot of kids and my dh is a preschool teacher. I’m going to see if he has time to get on later and respond. My experience tells me that this girl has been molested or has seen things that she should not. You’re absolutely right to be concerned and frankly, I wouldn’t care about the friendship when your daughter’s innocence is being compromised.
What I find to be relatively normal behavior at maybe this age or really a little younger. . .is exploring one’s own body. . .disrobing. . .and/or talking about potty functions. That’s it–nothing else. It has never occured to a single one of my girls that something could fit inside their private parts. . .this is just not a normal thought for a child to have.
I’d be up front and just share with them your concerns. But I would not allow the girls to play at their house or to be alone together. I may even just cut off the relationship. But you need to protect your daughter. . .you have no idea who is doing this to that little girl but if that person has access to your little girl–you don’t know what could happen.October 8, 2007 at 11:39 pm #946443
Oh my! I 100% agree with Val….this other child is showing signs of being molested…I would not leave my child alone with theirs or them…who knows what may happen..you do not want your child arround this at all. I would cut off contact you need to keep your child safe..they are worth more then any friendship.October 9, 2007 at 12:48 am #946461
this other girl has obviously been molested. i don’t think it would be a bad idea to contact your local Police Dept about this.October 9, 2007 at 2:17 am #946494
I was going to say, its very obvious the other girl has either been molested or abused. You need to contact the police department asap. What if, and pardon my bluntness, the other girl actually does “penetrate” your little girl. Who do you think your daughter’s pediatrician is going to call when (s)he discovers that at the next checkup? And who do you think is going to get alot of trouble for that one? You, and your family.
Not trying to alarm you, but this is serious.October 9, 2007 at 2:50 am #946513
Welcome to the board!
This is not a normal childhood activity. Your children should be your #1 priority here.
Your DD has allready been molested by this little child of the same age.
If I were the parent, this friendship with the other family would stop immediately.
There would not have been a 2nd opportunity or a 3rd opportunity for your DD to be molested.
Something is definitely not right in that household. Dept of Children & Family Services (or whatever your local Family Service Organization is called) should be notified. You can even call anonymously to report it.
This other family is not your friend.
Let us know how things play out.October 9, 2007 at 8:53 am #946554
i’ve been in your daughter’s shoes, and for me the other girl was being molested, so it’s most likely that this child is also been molested and for the protection of both girls you (and the other girl’s parents) need to find out who is doing this. As for your daughter you need to stop this from happening and if it means you lose some friends then so be it; it only happen twice to me (i didn’t like the ‘game’ so refused to play it on the second time and it was forced onto me so after that i just didn’t play alone with her after that) and to this day it still hurts me that it had happen to me even tho i have learnt to deal with it, i was 5 so we can hope that at 4 your daughter will forget about it but you need to stop it nowOctober 9, 2007 at 2:01 pm #946597
I would suggest that you Call Child Protctive Services for the safety of this other child and keep your child away for the safety of your child.October 9, 2007 at 2:17 pm #946603
i would not let my daughter see her again…October 9, 2007 at 5:38 pm #946661
Yeah, call the police. This is not normal curiousity. And also, please take your daughter to the pediatrician immediately.
As a child care provider, I saw many instances of normal curiousity. I think the funniest one was mentioned in a now out of print book [URL="http://www.amazon.com/Two-Four-Nine-Five-Adventures/dp/B000HM3NU0/ref=sr_11_1/002-9087202-8852812?ie=UTF8&qid=1191951111&sr=11-1"]Two to Four from Nine to Five: the Adventures of a Daycare Provider[/URL]. The author told of little girls at this age discussing their “literis”. She allowed them to go into the bathroom together, and she listened at the door as they said “Don’t be silly, everyone’s got one” “I can’t find mine” “OK, lets get a flashlight” Of course she intervened at that point.
It is normal for girls at this age to touch, and explore. It is not normal to insert objects as this causes pain. That is just not normal curiousity. That would only occur to a child who has been abused and is playing it out by dominating another child.
So call the police, child protective services and your own pediatrician. And do not ever let your daughter play there again. Tell her it is not her fault, but that her friend may not touch her that way and parents should not let this happen. And of course, that you love her.October 12, 2007 at 12:55 am #947293
Thanks for all of your replies. This helped us get some perspective. We were somewhat thrown for a loop and not sure how to react.
Thanks.November 28, 2007 at 10:56 pm #956200
I would definately be concerned. You don’t know who is abusing your friend’s daugther, but it could be one of her parents even, which would be further exposing your child to abuse. Also the fact that your “friends” don’t want to discuss the event seems suspicious. They may be denying that something happened to their daughter to cause this behavior. Friends come and go but your children are yours forever, you need to do what is best for your daughter and definately take her to the doctor and report your friend’s daughter to social services. The little girl needs help.January 17, 2008 at 7:34 pm #965642
This is heartbreaking! What you must be going through!
My daughter is 4 and she in no way shape or form knows that there is even an openning there. How would they know???
You’re right to be alarmed and if I were you my child wouldn’t step in that door again.January 17, 2008 at 8:10 pm #965649
Omg I would contact DFCS and let them in on what is going on…Something must have happended to that little girl to have her acting that way…
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