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This topic contains 11 replies, has 12 voices, and was last updated by browneyes01 4 years, 5 months ago.
April 2, 2008 at 6:28 am #185028
I have given him not one reason to not trust me except back when i was in my early 20′s way before we were married i went to see my ex-boyfriend once. i have been married for 15 yrs and not once cheated or anything, in fact i live a very boring life as i just like to stay at home almost all the time. I’m 44 yrs old and am so sick of him not trusting me. I mean he say’s he loves me so much and i tell him you cannot possibly love and not trust at the same time. He say’s the reason he cannot trust me is his insecurities, i’m sorry but i don’t think so. we have no communication what soever and i have built up so much anger and resentment towards him i often question myself if i even care if he trusts me or not. He just acts like he’s the better spouse as far as compramising but when things get shoved under the carpet i just don’t know. I don’t believe i am in love with him but stay for my kids even though he is a verbal abuser and i walk on eggshells waiting for him to explode. He blames our bad marriage on me because i have changed so much since we got married, doesn’t everyone especially after kids. i stopped the partying scene. I grew up! so what do you all think about this trust issue it just really makes me angry am i overreacting??:confused:April 2, 2008 at 12:53 pm #980469
No your not! You say your walking on egg shells always waiting for him to explode? Should you be living your life like that? Verbal and Mental abuse are real types of abuse. [url]http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-survivors-handbook.asp?section=000100010008000100310003[/url]
Do you think its go for your children to think this how relationships should be? You don’t say whether you have a daughter but id you do and she was in this situation what would your advice to her be?April 2, 2008 at 1:41 pm #980479
It could be he doesn’t think he is good enough for you and that is why he is so suspicious about if you wen somewhere else to find something better. What he doesn’t realize is that he’s practically shoving you out the door. He could also be insecure because he himself has been unfaithfull in some way. Flirting, online porn, …… Although I wouldn’t suggest turning the tables on him necessarily, he seems vollitle. But I had a coworker that had a boyfriend like this and he was allways calling the studio and would just come by to make sure she was where she said she would be. If a person wants to find situations where the other person COULD be doing some thing else, they will find it no matter what you do. As a matter of fact if you apease him and call him every time to arrive somewhere to prove to him you are there, it will only get worse, if you catter to him. IT WILL ONLY GET WORSE. People get it backward when they say they want to “stay for the kids” think about what they are being put through and the example they are being given. If you still want to try to make this relationship work, I would suggest to him he go to counseling.April 2, 2008 at 3:50 pm #980510
So why should you be limited by HIS insecurities? HE has to take the initiative to work this out in himself, and stop coming down on you.
I don’t buy it. This sounds to me like an excuse for being a control freak. He has to recognize this and deal with it, and stop pushing his “insecurities” on to you.April 2, 2008 at 6:05 pm #980541
[QUOTE=mcmama]So why should you be limited by HIS insecurities? HE has to take the initiative to work this out in himself, and stop coming down on you.
I don’t buy it. This sounds to me like an excuse for being a control freak. He has to recognize this and deal with it, and stop pushing his “insecurities” on to you.[/QUOTE]
ita with this. He needs to get help for his issues. You need to decide if you want to continue living this way.April 2, 2008 at 7:36 pm #980570
Please if you are unhappy do not stay with him for your children, even if they are very little they will know their parents aren’t happy, it’s better to be seperate and without the stress than stressed out and unhappy under the same roof. If you were doing something for your kids, you would leave him, I know it’s hard to hear but it’s true.
He may not realise how controlling he is being and how he is making you feel, whether you believe you can fix your relationship or not you need to talk to him and tell him exactly how you feel, get it all out don’t hold anything back. The talk could end the treatment or it could make him understand why his marriage is going to end.April 2, 2008 at 10:42 pm #980626
Your husband could be suffering from delusional jealousy, which is a psychaitirc disorder. It is commonly known as the Othello syndrome after the Shakespearian character. A delusion exists that the spouse is being disloyal and is more common among males. The person may make reprated accusations of infidelity on litle or no evidence, and may even pursue or stalk the partner to prove their point.
Whether you husband has this disorder or simply low self esteem, there seems to be the treat of potential violence. At the very least, he is causing you daily stress as you walk on eggshells to avoid confrontation.
Unfortuately the situation will not change unless there is intervetion and it will have to be on your part. Counseling certainly would help, both for yourself and as a couple. Your children and you deserve a peaceful home environment, not one with constant fear. Please contact me if you feel you would benefit from counseling. BethApril 3, 2008 at 12:07 am #980643
I agree with what everybody has said…except Samuel for saying you should separate. Everybody has some sort of emotional problem at some point in their life that affects those around them. You don’t give up on your marriage because of a rough patch. “…death do us part.” Why are people so quick to give up and break their vows? Liars! Quitters! Am I harsh? That’s how I feel.
HOWEVER. I do think you are in a very sticky situation and something needs to be done about it ASAP. Would he agree to marriage counseling? A third party who is a professional is relationships can really make a difference with the communication skills. And IF this lack of trust is really because of his own insecurities, then he should see a counselor on his own. BUT, from what I know about psychology and my own experiences, many times when a person can’t trust other’s it is because they themselves cannot be trusted. We all naturally assume other’s work the same way work. Cheaters and liars assume other people are cheaters and liars. Often these accusations are an attempt to take the attention away from their own poor behavior. We point the finger at other people to make ourselves seem better. It’s also a way of keeping the other person on their toes and in a state of self-defense, so they are too occupied to be on the offensive and see the signs: in other words, they are hoping the other person is too busy defending themselves to discover their secrets. And if they can catch the other person in the act, then it relieves them from some of their own guilt.
I hope you can reach some sort of happy resolve with this issue. I suggest the therapy route and it wouldn’t hurt to see a counselor on your own for professional advice on how to improve your relationship. I’ve seen a counselor off and on for fifteen years and it’s been a wonderful resource for me in improving my own relationship skills. I love it. I really miss my last counselor since I moved. He was the BEST ONE YET! My fiance and I have agreed that we are going to a marriage counselor BEFORE we have any problems…just to keep our relationship on the right track and improve our skills. My sister and her husband have seen one from the very beginning, and have a WONDERFUL relationship. Good luck.October 16, 2008 at 2:43 pm #1012333
[quote=iammykidsmom246] He say’s the reason he cannot trust me is his insecurities[/quote]
He’s the one who have issues to resolve:rolleyes:October 17, 2008 at 4:04 am #1012535
[QUOTE] Counseling certainly would help, both for you and as a couple. Your children and you deserve a peaceful home environment, not one with constant fear.
[/QUOTE] I think this is a nice idea. Or, he has to take the initiative to work this out, since the root of the issue is his insecurities.October 17, 2008 at 3:07 pm #1012596
My mother stayed in an abusive relationship for 20 years because “it was for the kids”. Ok. That is just making an excuse. I am one screwed up person emtionally and mentally because my mom never had the guts to walk away.
Please don’t make your kids go through this.December 10, 2008 at 8:14 pm #1018962
maybe he doesn’t trust you because he is out there doing something or has been doing all the time that yuo have been married maybe you should start to ask him questions about his loyalty to you..
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