natski13 Family Member Joined: 11 Jul 2007 08:56 PM Last activity: 11 Aug 2009 01:00 PM BioI'm 30 years old and a full time graphic designer for an internet company. I found this site, by researching about my miscarriages. So needless to say i've had 2. I've handled them fairly well because they were early. My first pregnancy was a surprise and when we went for the first ultrasound there wasn't a heartbeat, the baby died around 6 weeks. I was still incredibly sick throwing up everyday, I never expelled the baby, so we decided on the D&E procedure. That way i was cleaned out. So we waited the recommended 3 cycles to start trying again...trying was rough. I was so stressed the whole time. But we got pregnant again after 2 tries. I wasnt' worrying too much, but had it in the back of my mind it could happen again. We went to the first ultrasound, and there it was this little peanut with a beating heart. i was so excited. But still nervous. So life went on, i was sick and neauseated, not as much as last time though. Feeling things were going well too. We went for our second appt. Which would have made me at 12 weeks, but there wasn't a heartbeat, they tried and tried...and i just kept saying, it's not their. How heartbreaking it was. They ended up giving me another D&E because the baby supposidly died a few weeks earlier, and i wasn't bleeding or cramping or anything. Anyway...that was almost 2 months ago. I've come to terms that these things happen. But i'd like answers. I may never find out what happened, God's plan for me is what i look forward to...not just what i want, which is a little one to love forever. I keep in mind that we don't have trouble getting pregnant, and it's not hereditary because there is NOT a single miscarriage in my family. Plus maybe it just wasnt' the right time. Although i cry myself to sleep some nights, fight with my husband, and just have some strange mood swings. All in all i am handling it well. I believe that God is helping me through this whole thing. I wish my husband felt the same way. He blames God. I know God doesn't give you more then you can handle. I know that someday i'll have a precious baby to hold, whether from me or an adoption. I know that i'm here to have a child and to be a mommy to someone. Thank you God for all you have given me all my life! I praise you for what you have done to me, made me stronger and a better believer to you. I am a good role model and hope someday i can help someone through the same experiances that i have been through. God is good, without him I wouldn't be here today! I will be with my babies again someday in heaven. that's what i look forward to!
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