Notabrat's commentsComments On: EverythingArticles Blogs Journals Photos created by: EveryoneNotabrat Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry13 Feb 2008 08:07 AM Sorry, that last post of mine was too off the cuff. I will go into a quiet corner and do the writing work I need to do. Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry13 Feb 2008 08:05 AM I know I've posed this before - but why is it that Jan's Daughter has so much grieving and accepting to do - but her mother gets to just continue on - hurting anyone and everyone not smart enough to see through her. As children of an NPD mother - we have been short-changed all our lives and I'm not convinced that we don't need to ( and have the right to) confront our mother with the damage to OUR lives by HER actions. My mother is very, very lucky that I live 3,000 miles away from her and I wish that my brother had shot her, instead of himself. Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry06 Feb 2008 12:04 PM As I read these, it's sad to realize there are so many of us who are limping through life - having had an NPD mother. Even now - I'm a little afraid that mine may stumble onto this site - recognize me and just hit the roof. How - at age 52- can I still quake at the thought of her anger? How is it - that her "nasty" voice still punishes me as deeply as it did when I was a child? Doesn't it feel good though - in another way - to read of each other's experiences and no we're not the only ones? As I read what others have written, I think "Ouch, ouch double ouch! You're best bet is to walk away and work as hard at enjoying your own life as you've worked on pleasing "She who will always be horrible". Of course - I realize then that I'm the one who needs to do that. It is comforting though, to know I'm not the only one who has a mother from hell. I think of her now as a truly horrible jellyfish - everyone close to her has deep pain where she's lashed out and stung them - but the jellyfish itself just continues to comfortably blob about in a tropical ocean- getting her needs met and oblivous to the pain she's causing. The Aging Narcissistic Parent (1) - Blog Entry15 Jan 2008 12:25 PM Is there anyone else here who feels that the day their narcisstic mother dies will be a day of huge relief, joy and reason for celebration? I have to really discipline myself to remember that, even at 75- my mother is very healthy, and could easily live for another 20 or 25 years. I tend to dream of "the day she dies" the way other people daydream of winning the lottery. Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry15 Jan 2008 11:04 AM I want to clarify - The SWAT team had been called because my brother was seen leaving his house and getting into his truck with a gun in his hand. So, the SWAT team was there because he was about to commit suicide - it's not that he shot the gun because he was surrounded by police. My brother had been working and living like a normal /law abiding person for the last 8 years before he died. Interestingly, he hadn't spoken to my mother in the last 7, and they were the happiest years of his life. Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry15 Jan 2008 10:48 AM Oh- I wish I'd found this site earlier......I'm 52 years old. I have been in and out of therapy most of my adult life, but wasn't able to really identify the problem and somehow thought it was me, I was an emotional hypochondriac. It is only because I have a dear friend whose known me since I was 13 - and she would tell me "It's not you, there was something really wrong in your family." Now I know I wasn't crazy - my mother is a narcissist. Way too many painful things to list here - but in July 2005, my brother went out into a farmer's field and shot himself in the head. He died 3 days later. From my mother's perspective - the main point was that he was surrounded by a SWAT Team at the time, and she was fixated on the drama of it all!!!!! When I went home for the funeral- all she could talk about was all the wonderful support she was getting in her small town - how the hairdresser didn't charge her for the haircut etc. The last time I saw my brother, he'd said to me "She'll never apologize - she's whacked" and I realize now how right he was. She's whacked - as in crazy - and we ( I had two brothers) are the ones who lived in her insane asylum. I'm sooooo angry- sooo incredibly angry. She's very, very lucky that I live so far away. I've never hit anyone in my life - but if I saw her I would absolutely hit her - maybe whip out a belt, or a flyswatter or a wooden spoon and see how she likes it. I would give her a taste of all the things she did to us - and I would feel absolutely justified in doing it. They are still charging and punishing any Holocaust criminals they find - why should abusive parents be any different. The abuse lives on. My brothers and I were smart, funny and very nice kids. The brother who still survives is an alcoholic who lives paycheck to paycheck - full of anger, resentment and I think he's becoming a little demented himself. I look after him as best I can. i have a great husband, reasonable career - but no sense of my self. I'm absolutely outraged to see the reality of her influence on our lives - and that she seems to be getting off scot free. I feel guilt - yes, but much, much more- I feel angry. I want to "tell on her" but the people I need to tell - ( my grandmother, my father) are dead. I have tried to confront her by phone and by email - first she denies things, then hangs up - saying "I have more important things to worry about". If I flew to her small town - tied her up and hurt her, I'd get in trouble - but at least it would be all over the newspapers, and the shame/humiliation of it would be the closes thing to pain that she can feel. |
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