Older Stepchildren

This topic contains 5 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by  newmrsth 6 years, 6 months ago.

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  • #175002

    Yankeelori1

    Hi,
    I’m new to the forum. I’m hoping someone can give me some support, advice, whatever, in dealing with stepchildren who are 21 and 26. My husband of 11 years and I have our own 10 year old daughter.
    My husband and his ex-wife have been divorced for over 20 years, and she is still spiteful towards him. Due to health issues my husband was dealing with for several years after his divorce, the ex-wife never encouraged the children to continue to have a relationship with him. When it was his weekend, if the kids didn’t want to go with him, he didn’t push the subject because he didn’t want to make them upset. To make a long story short, these children are now 21 and 26, and in their mother’s words “when the children want to talk to you, they’ll contact you.”
    I’ve run out of patience with these adult children treating their father like their mother does – of course they learned it from her. I’ve had to watch my husband cry over the years and it breaks my heart when I see him grieving over these kids. I’ve told my husband that I don’t have any more patience or respect for his kids because of the way they treat him, and that I don’t want to have anything to do with them, or anything he wants to do when he contacts them (like driving to his daughter’s apartment and leaving a note on the door when she won’t answer). My husband expects me to support him no matter what my feelings are.
    Do I just swallow my pride and keep my mouth shut, or continue to voice my feelings of which he already knows what they are?
    Any thoughts?
    Thanks.
    Yankeelori

    #945263

    Das

    Support him………it’s a tough one but he needs your support.I’d hate it if that happened to my guy but I’d help him do what he felt he needs to.Yes,it’d break my heart to witness it but I’d do it.

    #945488

    angel-1094

    I am also in a simular situation with my husband… he has 2 grown ups a daughter aged 23 and a son 25. The son is not to bad now, he has a family of his own, its his daughter that is the problem… She treats him like dirt, doesn’t come near unless she wants money! Never sends him a birthday card or christmas card, as a matter of fact I have never had one off her either nor has my biological son and we’ve been married for over 6 years.
    They were both invited to our wedding we bought them both plane tickets, son came daughter didn’t changed her mind at the last minute thus a wasted $300 ticket.
    Giving her the benefit of the doubt, we bought her another the following year, she came then, but that christmas she called and said she wanted to spend christmas with us, which is unusual to this day we have never seen her at christmas time or any other special holidays, fool me I booked the ticket for her and she cancelled at the last minute another wasted $300.
    She called her dad to borrow $250 to cover bank charged she had accumulated at the bank, never seen it since… she asked us to co-sign for her, but we refused.
    Just the other month we was at a wedding, she had bought her dad (first time ever and this was in July) a christmas present (belated) and gave it to him in front of all the guests, you guessed it my son and I got nothing!
    Friday is her birthday, I have told my husband to sort her out as she is his daughter I have had enough of her ways and don’t particulary enjoy writing checks or giving money to people who cannot even acknowledge I exist.
    So there you go… you’re not on your own, I sometime think it would be easier being a stepparent to younger children, we have a stronge relationship and as far as we are concerned we have our own lives… aint no one going to tear us apart.

    #945491

    QueenAngie

    [IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v480/QueenAngie/welcome.gif[/IMG]

    Welcome to the board, Yankeelori1 and Angel – 1094!

    (((Hugs)))

    #945756

    MissyChrissy

    Support him because by refusing to do so, even though you don’t intend it that way, you’re adding to his hurt. At least with your support, he won’t feel so alone. Poor guy.

    #946433

    newmrsth

    I can tell you that based on my own relationship with my husband, and with the stepkids, stop telling him because you’re right, he knows, and at least with my husband, if I keep telling him, it makes him feel worse and that’s not waht I want, and I don’t htink it’s what you want. You don’t have to go with him, etc, but support him we he does what he feels he needs to do. And try not to vocalize your disagreement…they are hurting him enough already, and, I am guessing he just needs your support and is fully aware of how you feel and he may even agree…but just needs to do it anyway. To not give up…because he can’t.

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