Overwhelmed's comments

When Antidepressants aren't the best option (3) - Blog Entry

04 Feb 2008 06:01 PM

I have tried every anti-depressant you can think of and all of them have made me feel suicidal. It starts with feeling like a zombie for 2 weeks and then it turns into suicidal thoughts. I have the most severe case of PTSD imaginable from being abused at a young age and later in life finding out a family member was raped by the abuser. Here I am in my 40's and for all intents and purposes I am like everyone else, I don't want people to pity me nor do I want to live like this...what are my options? I am a mother of a beautiful daughter, wife to the man of my dreams and still I feel as though I live in my little bubble where all my problems reside with me and my family is not in the bubble with me, I don't want to be in this bubble, why would I invite them in. I have built the most amazing bubble, no one can penetrate it and I can't get out of it. My daughter has a condition that is incurable and only manageable. I feel so bad and yes I keep it all inside of me, I'm selfish and don't want to share the pain I feel daily. If you saw me walking by, you would never know what I feel, I keep a smile on my face all the while I am crying on the inside. So, where do I go from here? How did I get here? I can only use a drug to maintain my PTSD, anti-anxiety and that's it. There is no magic pill for me. Is this a cry for help or is this a final good bye...I don't know. I do know I'm not ready for that final good bye. Overwhelmed to the power of 10