rmg123's comments

Dealing with a Narcissistic Family Member

08 Jul 2008 06:45 PM

Glad I found this site...I finally feel that there are people that understand what I have gone through. However, it is sad to see how many people are broken over NPD issues. In a few days, I must fly across country to be with my family. My stomach is already in knots; my daughter and husband do not want to be with my parents...I have learned that this is a balancing act, which is where I need some advice. My mom is NPD by proxy, both parents are alcoholics. My dad was physically abusive when we were growing up and Mom closed her eyes to this which is difficult to forgice. Fast forward 40 yrs. I see my parents once a yr. but it is a nightmare. They make arrangements to take us out, we arrange our schedule, then they cancel.My mother did this several times the last visit then was upset that we were leaving at 5 a.m. and could not met with her. Some story this time, they are arranging and changing when we can meet, refusing to come to a family bbq and upset with me the one day I have plans and I will not change them. To make things worse, my sister has become a clone of my mom, is taking off when we are coming to visit, dumps her out of control kids on me, then refuses to speak to me when I try to tell her about the situation because she is hurt. So...I really do not want to see my parents or my sister, which is also the decision of my husband and daughter. However, this will cause WWIII. To make matters even more complicated, my youngest sister is an enabler who refuses to set limits with the NPDs because she fears their anger. Because I am the one who has spoken up, refuses to be mentally and emotionally abused, and want to set limits, I have been identified as the one with the problem that only adds to my heart ache.