29 Aug 2008 01:33 AM

How does a conflict of religion factor into a marriage?

Sadly, this is one of the topics that I am not able to discuss with my friends.  I did not go into my marriage blind.  I was raised Southern Baptist, my husband Lutheran.  While there are those of you who will argue that these belief systems are not so different, from each other, I ask you to look into deeper theology. 

Yes, they are both fundamentally protestant, Christian religions.  However, I was apalled the first time I attended his choice of a church and wine was served with the Ash Wednesday communion (not to mention that they wanted to put Ash on my face).  He was equally taken aback at the discovery that the pastor in the small, southern baptist church that my family has attended for a decade, doesn't wear robes when he delivers his sermons.

A great argument broke out when we began to seriously discuss marriage and a family.  To my horror, he demanded that our children were to be baptised as babies to eliminate "original sin".  I tried desperately to explain to him the age of accountability, questioned him how a loving God would send an infant to eternal damnation, and basically argued my point as strongly as I could.  He was immovable, as was I.

In the end, love won out over religious differences.  We pursued our marriage. I was pleased when he agreed to attend pre-marital counseling at a Baptist church.  He was equally thrilled when I informed him that if he agreed to start attending church more regularly, he could choose the church.

We are slowly learning the deeper intricasies of each others particular denominations and have decided to cross the bridge of baptism when we came to it (i.e. when we decided it was time to have children). 

This has defined itself as the first major problem in our marriage, the only problem in our relationship that we have been forced to leave unsolved (if only for now) and of course the issue that we both feel the most passionately about.  I have willingly accepted the traditions of his family (we had a "dollar dance" at our wedding at his insistence) and he has equally bent to mine (we had a dry wedding). 

This, however, is one disagreement that we just can't shake.

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