07 Apr 2009 12:08 PM

help being a step father

I have been married for about a month and a half. My wife has three children and so do I. Her daughter has been through a lot in her life and is 11 years old. Her Dad is around when he wants to be and back in January he said he needed a break from her. Anyways there has been that pattern for the last three years that we dated and all. Since we moved in together, at first I was letting her parent her children, and kind of staying out of it. But after a while she mentioned she wanted my help doing so. Anyways, since then her daughter has really crossed the line on quite a few occasions. To get to the point, my wife usually parents her, but then she back talks her when she does it. So I step in when they start screaming at each other. Which in my opinion isn't parenting, but backing my wife. So a couple weeks ago I come home from the store and I walk into the house to see the 11 year old pushing my wife down the hall way. I quickly got in between them to keep her from pushing my wife. Because she couldn't get to my wife, she slapped me once and then again. After this she continued to throw koolade at me, and the glass and koolade picture. We called the police out on her for all of this because she wasn't stopping no matter what. There now have been 4 incidents similar to that, with the police being called, and me or my wife being hit by the 11 year old. So she had been in a mental hospital for about a week, and today she is coming home. The 11 year old is bi-polar, and during her stay me, my wife, the daughter's father and his girlfriend had to sit in a meeting. I felt like a lot of the blame was being put towards me and the blending of the families. I'm feeling hurt right now about everything, because when it all went down I was thrown to the back burner and not allowed to be there for the child. Then when the Dad comes in and he tries directing it towards me for his lack of being there for the daughter, and my wife because we don't have a calm house. Well with her coming home today the case worker has told my wife that I need to leave the disciplining to her. I really believe that for a step parent to have respect from a child, they need to treat them like they would there own children. If my wife goes anywhere and I have to watch her children, if they can't be disciplined by me while she is there, how am I supposed to do it when she is gone. I really feel let down right now, because I feel that I'm being treated like I'm the blame for what has happened. I just wish she would stick up for me, I'm doing a lot of good things, and I'm trying to give our kids, mine and hers a good life.

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