Stillsuffering's commentsComments On: EverythingArticles Blogs Journals Photos created by: EveryoneStillsuffering Escaping the Trap of the Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry21 Aug 2008 09:45 AM Thanks Beth. Just to know that others understand what I'm going through helps a lot. My mother is charming to other people and when I try to explain my feelings, they just don't "get it". The reason why I allow her to live with us is this - when she dies I want to be able to say "I did everything I could, I have no reason to blame myself, she's gone and I'm free." I strongly feel that in this way good will overcome evil, otherwise I might end up on a lifelong guilt trip. In the past few days I have managed to change my behaviour with her. I have stopped patting her on the back and saying "there, there". I am stating truthfully to her what I think the situation actually is. I told her she was crying but there were no tears and I commented on how strange that was. She was taken aback at that. I also told her that I saw no evidence of her being depressed. When she said that she thought she ought to leave and go somewhere else, I replied calmly that if she was going to be happier somewhere else then she should go. Of course this had no effect on her, but it had a huge effect on me. I stopped living in a victim mentality. Strange how just reading this website has helped me onwards in the healing process. I want to thank you most sincerely for your help and concern. Escaping the Trap of the Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry18 Aug 2008 05:00 AM Whilst reading this blog and the other one "dealing with a narcissistic mother", I have found myself hyperventilating and becoming dizzy. So much of what I have read is true for me also. My mother is 83, her narcissism has got much worse recently and this worsening has finally led me to acknowledge what the real problem is. I am severely damaged by my upbringing. Depression, anxiety, panic attacks - and worst of all, alcoholism. This led to me losing custody of my own daughter to my ex husband and this has been the biggest tragedy of my life. My mother lives in the same house as my present husband and I. She has lived with us for 10 years. She is completely selfish, attention-seeking, demanding, manipulative, nasty, complaining, critical, jealous and dramatic. Boy, does she know how to send me on guilt trips. I no longer suffer from alcoholism, I have been a Christian for 16 years, and this has saved my life in more ways than one. However, my mother likes to remind me of 'how much she had to help me in the past'. It doesn't matter how much I do for her, it's never enough. She complains "no-one cares about me". She "dry cries". She cannot bear to be corrected on anything, she's always in the right. If anyone does have the audacity to correct her, she says "why do people treat me as if I'm stupid?" She blames other people for absolutely every little thing that isn't to her absolute satisfaction. She reads the tabloid newspapers and then repeats what they say as if it were absolute truth. She passes on malicious gossip as if it were true, and if she's corrected she blows a fuse. She says nasty things about my husband behind his back, despite the fact that he has been incredibly good to her. I have a brother who is a complete and utter wastrel, but according to my mother he can do no wrong. Is this a common theme? Are narcissistic mothers nicer to their sons? Also my mother is sickeningly flirtatious. She always has needed a man in her life. My father dies when I was 12 and she left home when I was 14 to live with another man, leaving me alone. Enough, I've written enough. I'm coming to terms with it slowly. At last I can see what's really going on here. I'm grateful for websites like this that allow us to share our common experiences. |
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