StrugglingSon's comments

Dealing with a Narcissistic Family Member - Blog Entry

18 Nov 2007 02:10 PM

Not sure who I am writing this too, but I need to share it. I have believed I would be of some value or another to my father and step mother for as long as I can remember. I have never managed to receive anything but fleeting praise regardless of the many things I have accomplished or contributed to. I served 23 years in the USAF with oversight for large numbers of fellow airmen and really sacrificed at a personal level in the process. My father passed away just after I retired and my step mother has tried to run 2 or more small family businesses since then. She stated that she felt I would be able to achieve important things by moving near their home and "helping" with the business. When I asked what my role would be, she explained that in time, if it was something I wanted to do and was good at" she would have me as a partner. When I asked what that meant in terms of income, she assailed me for being greedy. At this moment I feel foolish, but guess where I am? Living in my step moms guest home with my new wife with my first baby on the way. From what I have just read, I am feeling embarrassed, but still with the hope I can overcome the criticism and the out-of-reach carrot that I have been chasing in one way or another for most of my life. Here I am, I grown man and what I know cannot seem to overcome what I feel... To illustrate what I am trying to assess, please take our latest conversation in abbreviated form: Me: why am I being paid less than all other sales staff? Her: Because you have a pension and they don't. Me: But that is only because I gave 23 years to the military. Her: While you chose to have a secure paycheck, these folks were struggling with lost investments and start up businesses and now have little or nothing to rely on. Me: But when I came, you promised me $X per month and X% commission. You have cut my draw by 1/2 and we still haven't talked about our long term agreement that was supposed to be on paper within the first couple weeks. Her: You are too focused on income and not enough on gettng more business. One minute, I am the wonderful son to clients, community activists and neighbors, the next moment over dinner or in a discussion in the yard I am lazy and greedy etc. I can remember countless things like this; Xmas of my 16th year, my step sister, her daughter (who I love dearly) got a new horse (she already had 2) and saddle. I received a box of See's candy and believe it or not, a rake.... I know this sounds like over dramatic, but I received a rake and my biological brother received a new pair of glasses the same year... Blatant, unfair,whatever.... But my brother stays away and I keep trying to achieve something... My wife (my third) is getting fed up and I have decided that when she is done with this whole mess I am going to leave as well since my way has not been very fruitful. My step mom undermined my previous two marriages at almost every turn. Sometimes publicly, sometimes not. To be fair, she undermines every relationship of every one of my brothers and sisters in not-so-subtle ways. Not one in-law will come to the house. So please...help me understand why I keep believing this can change in the face of all this and so much more?