surthrive's comments

Born-Again Christians a Potential Threat to Mental Health Sufferers (1) - Blog Entry

27 Jun 2009 02:27 AM

I lived with a male about a year and a half ago who used to be very notorious for what we refer to in australia as "bible bashing" that is, going around preaching the word of god to people. Then he became a devotee to a cult called Adidam, and spoke about his guru all the time...whilst getting stoned nearly every day. He really thought he was a healer! I think alot of these people have "saviour" complexes, like they think they are jesus or something...it's so dangerous.

Narcissistic Parents and Rape - Blog Entry

23 Jun 2009 03:18 AM

Hi again. The woman I see now is more of a psychologist, and we haven't really talked much about the rape, as I have had other issues that were more pressing, The woman I did see as a counsellor, when the assault occured is no longer my counsellor, and yes I do still have some feelings of guilt though I know and am willing to be more forgiving of myself, there are certain details of the actual event that I have struggled with putting behind me, and maybe I do need to speak to someone again in regards to this. No matter how many times people tell me " it wasn't your fault" or " you did what you had to to survive" it never quite lets me let myself off the hook, and this causes me anxious feelings, as I DO want to move on, and I am doing really well now...my life is back on track, it took a LONG time, but I am finally back on track! Thankyou for your suggestions Beth.

Narcissistic Parents and Rape - Blog Entry

21 Jun 2009 10:07 PM

I have had counselling and attended support groups and used telephone counselling as well. My brother and mother gave me a hug at the time and he said he was sorry that it happened to me, but my other brother and father have not given any such support and everything they have said has been like poison to me! But they give themselves credit for being supportive. The brother that didn't hug or say anything comforting to me did give me basic martial arts lessons for a few months on and off, and so , in this way, he was supportive, in practical ways, but he's just hopeless when it comes to saying the right things that are sensitive...he's REALLY insensitive. I have experienced at different times, ALL of them turn and twist their own behaviour around and make me out to be the bad egg, when what they accuse me of is not only not true, but is what THEY did to me! I know I did not go into all the details and give all the information of these incidentces in my last blog, I just thought I'd be there forever explaining the whole situation...and did not want to take up too much space...but I need to get past feeling that way and just take as much space as I need without worrying about it in the future! I do my own art therapy, and have for years, and apart from that have spent time screaming into pillows and punching them too! I had ALOT of anger and so much pain, I didn't even think it was possible to be in that much pain, and it didn't seem to subside regardless of the paintings I churned out, which friends had trouble looking at, they were so disturbing! This went on for years, of feeling hurt all the time, and people constantly rejecting me for not being very social...all I want to do is be in my room...that's where I am happiest. I'm pretty sensitive and introverted. I have been homeless twice in the last 6 years...the first time was after the rape and my father kicked me out after I got angry one day,really angry. He assaulted me and I should have pressed charges, but it had never happened before and I was in too much shock...I had to find a place to shelter myself, which I did, in a domestic violence shelter referred to me by a 'friend'. The second time was recently...a year and a half ago, a guy I lived with who smoked too much pot went loco and kicked me out after I asked him not to put a heavy tool box on my dvd player!! He'd been acting funny for months and I was looking for another place to live anyway...but he got really abusive and got in my personal space and provoked me to hit him, which I really wanted to do, but didn't. It was like the whole scenario with my father had repeated itself, like a loop in my programme or something...and I ended up living in a homeless shelter for 3 months! It's all good now and I am in a very safe, secure environment...well, it FEELS safe to me! Things seem to have calmed down, but I'm afraid that what happened with my father has set up a pattern in my mind now for this sort of thing to keep happening? Is that possible? I've been through so much...loads of stuff before the rape as well, and I don't think I can handle it again!

Narcissistic Parents and Rape - Blog Entry

20 Jun 2009 06:19 AM

This also happened to me about 7 years ago. It is a pretty long story and cannot really be simplified. I returned to my parents hometown to help them move house, and find work so I could save and move onto another city...it was only supposed to be temporary! I fell into a suicidal depression, and had been depressed for years before that throughout my 20's, without seeking help...just didn't see how anyone could possibly help me! My parents convinced me to go on anti-depressants, though I was STAUNCHLY against the idea and had put it off for 8 years choosing to find other ways to deal with it. I am introverted though and quite sensitive, so I think being depressive goes with the territory, as well as being an artist! I caved in and since nothing else seemed to work I let them take me to the doctor... the same doctor who had told me I was pregnant (7 weeks) a few years prior to this. It turned out that I was nearly 4 months pregnant, but I did not discover this until I was actually in the abortion clinic, where I chose to go ahead with the termination only to find that the "laughing gas" they gave me did nothing to numb the pain as I was told it would. I think he acted unscrupulously as well, as he put his finger in me to apparently "check the cervix" that's what he said? Is that normal practise? Anyway, I didn't have much trust in the family doctor (or any doctors after that really) but I let him give me the prescription so I could get them off my back! The pills worked but I was on them when I was working one night and I guess my judgement was affected, as I let a guy I didn't even know give me a ride home...and on the way he decided to stop somewhere private and get something for his "generosity" and "caring enough for my safety to drive me home" in his own mind!

My parents were going through alot themselves, dad had lost his business and assets and house that he built from scratch and mum was not coping with the role reversal and having to be the one paying rent and bills for a change. I put off telling them for at least a month, but mum knew something was up and kept asking me, til one day I exploded and finally told her. She was supportive at first, gave me a hug and told me it had happened to her as well when she was my age, which was wierd. A few days later I decided to stop taking the meds as I didn't want to become too used to them and felt like they had lifted me out of the state I was in...but I did it wrong and stopped abruptly, which brought on MAJOR aggressive episodes and very uncharacteristic behaviour which led to me getting kicked out of home by dad, after being hit for getting angry...I was in so much pain and so angry, and it's like they had totally forgotten what had happened to me...like the pill would just take it all away. I ended up in a domestic violence shelter...and ever since dad has blamed me for what happened and even managed to get me to admit that I'm the one that went with the guy so...He is probably the one I would say is more narcissistic than my mother though she can definately have her self-centred times too (can't we all though?) It just feels like they have majorly let me down over the years, and this isn't the only scenario...there isn't enough space to tell all the times, but I've kept a journal just so I know I'm not crazy...they always deny it whenever I bring up stuff they did, and turn it around to make me out to be the cruel and twisted one! My two brothers have gotten in on the act in the last few years as well, and I get the feeling dad has told them stories to get them onside with him. I don't trust ANY of them...they're supposed to be my family?? I think they do it partly because they think I have no confidence...because I'm not extroverted and don't yell and make lots of noise and talk all the time. I'm pretty quiet and they just have all these wrong thopughts about the person I am. Being misunderstood is something I am used to , but being accused of doing things, HORRIBLE things that I definately didn't do, is dangerous to my sanity! I've been trying to bring this to their attention for years now, and the more I do, the more vicious they get! I told one of my brothers this week that I want no more contact with him after he twisted a whole bunch of stuff around to make himself out to be the decent one and me out to be 'bad' (as usual) My other brother told me without even saying thankyou for my efforts, that he didn't lik,e the present I made for him, and didn't bother to take care of it, and it broke on the planeride home from visiting us. He didn't care one bit, and there is other behaviour too that points to narcissism. Is it possible that BOTH my parents AND two brothers are all narcissists?