Tag Archives: affection

Get an A+ in Marriage

Do you want to get an A + in marriage? Here are a few As to help you relate to your spouse and improve your marriage Acceptance Your spouse needs to know that you accept them as they are and that you are not always trying to change them and make them over into something they are not. They need to know they are loved unconditionally, not only when they do the things that please you and make you happy. Admiration Admiration might be as simple as telling your spouse that an outfit looks hot on them. Or it might … Continue reading →

Are You Giving Affection and Support Conditionally?

Unconditionally love—we all know that this is at the root of good parenting. We know intellectually that our children need to feel our unconditional love regardless of what is going on but in the world of the single parent, we may get so wrapped up in some of the trials and challenges of every day life, that we start to use the withholding of love and affection as a way to try to motivate and manipulate our children. Yesterday I wrote about how we need to watch out for using manipulation and controlling behaviors to try to get our kids … Continue reading →

Do You Do PDA?

As I’ve said before, one of my favorite commentators is also someone who regularly feeds my muse: Jade “The Muse” Walker. She’s been really good about continuing to send me links to interesting articles in spite of the fact that I’ve gotten sidetracked in writing about them. One of the last ones she sent me was about an experiment ABC News conducted in both New Jersey and Alabama. It had to do with public displays of affection, also known as PDA. A couple of years back they’d done an experiment of the same nature. They hired actors to pose as … Continue reading →

When They are the Most Unlovable–Love Harder

It really is not revolutionary parental advice to hold tight and be loving and accepting of our children even when they are at their most challenging. But it is much easier said than done. When kids are being extremely naughty, ugly, acting out, and being “unlovable”–we tend to wrack our brains trying to figure out disciplinary techniques and wonder what we should do to “fix it.” Sometimes, all we need to do is love their unlovable selves all the harder! You might be surprised, but sometimes just greeting our children’s unlovable behavior with genuine love and affection can be a … Continue reading →

“If You Love Me, You Would…”

I believe there are things we say as parents that we might not even realize we are saying–either we have absorbed them from our own upbringing, or we get caught up in the moment and say these things. If someone were video-taping or recording us and we saw our own behaviors or language played back to us, we might be horrified. One of the things I hear parents say as a means to motivate their child is: “You would do XYZ, if you loved me” or “Don’t you love me enough to…(get good grades, clean your room, etc.). When you … Continue reading →

Finding Excuses to Hug

My kids are not so snuggly any more. We’ve moved through what I hope will be remembered as the snarkiest years of teenagehood and they can stand to be in the same room with me. But those snuggly, hugging days are pretty much long gone. Now I have to be a bit stealthier and pay attention to those rare opportunities when a hug is in order. Birthdays are good for at least one hug. Even a teenager is willing to entertain a big birthday hug from the annoying mother. As a matter of fact, any time a gift is given … Continue reading →

Let Child Overhear Praise, Not Criticism

Parents talk about their kids. It is a fact of parenting and family life that our children may overhear us talking to our friends, grandparents, or spouse about something the child did or didn’t do. Hearing a parent’s negative talk or reporting can be devastating or angering though. We can turn the tales on this reality by letting our children overhear us saying positive and good things about them, and not the criticism. Overhearing praise can be powerful. I know that my own children have often accused me of saying something positive because “you have to, you’re my mom!” But, … Continue reading →

Bringing Back Romance

The hardest part about having children is the sheer wealth of time, emotion and energy you invest in them. Don’t doubt for an instant that your children are worth it, but there is a new type of stress that your relationship will undergo as you transform from couple to parents. Parents lose sleep, parents are always busy, and there is always something for parents to be doing. Parents rarely get to sleep in and in some cases, rarely get to go out anymore. If you discover that you are spending less and less time with your spouse and that your … Continue reading →

Too Old to Hug and Cuddle!

Perhaps I was in serious denial, but I never really anticipated that the day would come that my kids were “too old” to hug and cuddle (rest assured there is a happy ending to this story because they do come around for hugs again in the late teen years). With three children all so close in age, I literally felt like I was draped and dressed with children for over a decade. Little did I actually imagine, it would come to an abrupt stop! Even into the early middle school year(s), my kids would still snuggle next to me on … Continue reading →

Do You Know the Secret to a Happy Marriage?

I bet if I could bottle up the secret to having a happy marriage, it would sell like hotcakes. After all there is a lot to be said about a happy marriage and we all aspire to have one. To this end, there is an entire self-help genre related to helping you discover the secrets to a happy marriage. But there is one secret that has found some foundation through a study performed by the Harvard Medical School. Empathy & Affection This may not sound like much of a revelation, but couples who express deep empathy and affection for each … Continue reading →