Tag Archives: marriage dynamics

Men and Women Are from Earth

A study came out recently in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology: “Men and Women Are from Earth: Examining the Latent Structure of Gender.” The central hypothesis of the paper is that men and women actually aren’t all that different.  Many of the differences that we might demonstrate have more to do societal expectations than inherent biology. This isn’t the first study on the subject.  I recently read the book “Delusions of Gender: How Our Minds, Society, and Neurosexism Create Difference,” by neuroscience psychologist Cordelia Fine.  In it she exposes noticeable trends in male vs. female psychology, both in … Continue reading →

Living with Engineers: It’s All in the Timing

Another engineer’s wife and I were having a discussion about household chores yesterday.  We were bemoaning the fact that if we want our husbands to do something for us, we either need to tell them right away, or it won’t happen at all. The engineer’s mind is a constant one-way track of processing information.  It’s what makes them so brilliant and efficient: they zero in on a task, giving it their complete focus until it’s done.  I’m almost always thinking about other things while I’m working on something, which is why it can take me longer to achieve something with … Continue reading →

Two by Two

The other night we went over a friend’s house for a party.  I was wondering where we’d all park, because there are 18 people coming, and I didn’t think many of us would carpool.  “We’re all going to be coming two by two,” I said.  I made myself laugh, but it’s true.  When you run in married circles, people tend to go places two by two. I already covered how I resent the idea that Jon and I are attached at the hip.  The group of friends I saw is the same from quiz night.  Most of us go to … Continue reading →

Are There Such Things as Wifely Duties?

Yesterday a volunteering friend used the phrase “wifely duties.”  She did so somewhat in jest, but the phrase stuck with me.  I certainly think that I have duties to Jonathan, but I shudder at calling them wifely duties.  I don’t think these duties have anything to do with me being his wife, or rather, have anything to do with the fact that I’m the woman in the relationship. I’d like the phrases “spousal duties” or “partnerly duties,” better (if the latter was a real word).  I have certain duties to Jonathan because I am married to him, but gender roles … Continue reading →

How Do You Define PDA?

Recently my volunteering friends and I discussed PDA (public displays of affection).  My two friends talked about their husbands’ discomfort with PDA.  Well, I could relate to that: it tends to make a lot of people uncomfortable.  But then I learned that what they meant by PDA was hand-holding, hugs, a quick kiss. My one friend said it took her husband years before he would hold her hand in public.  The other said that when she and her husband meet up somewhere, when her husband arrives all the other women in the room get a hug, or sometimes even a … Continue reading →

Marriage Dynamics: Spenders and Savers

Who’s the spender and who’s the saver in your marriage? Maybe you’re both spenders or both savers. However, when a marriage is made up of one of each, this arrangement can create problems. One wife I know goes around turning off lights that aren’t being used, adjusting the air conditioning, and sometimes doing without things to make up for expenses when her husband is not at home. He comes up, cranks the air conditioning, buys expensive items or goes out to eat, and spends money like they have bucketfuls buried in the back yard or something. His wife doesn’t know … Continue reading →

What Do They Mean to You?

Every marriage has a bad day. Days when you just don’t seem to click, when stress and irritation leave you both feeling as prickly as porcupines. Those are the days that it’s really hard to remember why you love your husband or your wife. Those are the days when you think it might have been a whole lot simpler if you’d never met or never married or just never something’d. These are the days that you have to practice the What Do They Mean To Me? exercise. What is this exercise? It’s a mental and physical one you do with … Continue reading →