techman's comments

When Your Child's Grandparent is a Narcissist - Blog Entry

25 Nov 2008 07:16 AM

I should have clarified, on #2, with the niece, it was an overnight visit.

When Your Child's Grandparent is a Narcissist - Blog Entry

25 Nov 2008 07:14 AM

Ok, so I'm a little late to the game here. My wife and I have recently discovered that her mom and dad are both Nparents, this has been confirmed by DW's therapist. DW has cut off her father recently, he has done many horrible, and selfish things to her, and she reached a breaking point, but she does not have the same strength when it comes to her mother.

Her mother knows no boundaries, I'll summarize some of the events: 1. Was extremely rude to my DM while DW and I were moving into our new house. She clearly wanted to mark her territory by stating "I'm going to go get MY room setup now", as if it were hers.

2. Invited guests to our house without asking us several times. One of the guests is our niece, who is young, and quite frankly, out of control. Upon DW telling her she could not bring guest with her, because she didn't check with us, she told the niece that "She wasn't welcome in our house", rather than tell her that Grandma should have checked first. That's quite a head job to do on a 7yr old.

3. Has been rude to my brother while in our home, once again, trying to mark territory and assert herself as the alpha.

4. While our daughter was ill, we went to see many specialists at Hopkins to better understand and possibly treat her condition. WHen this was over DW called her mom to tell her the good news. Her moms reply was "I wish this had gone on a little longer, now I have to talk to my fiance about the wedding.". Yes, she really said that, and in my eyes, she used our daughter as a pawn in her game, not cool.

5. DW found a new job closer to home, the stress of the commute and job were too much for her, so she found something new. Upon telling her mom, she didn't get the congrats you'd expect, her mom told her "I knew you couldn't do it! I couldn't even do it, so how could you do it?". Mind you everybody else had told her how great she did, we all were building up her confidence, and then her mom knocks it down.

6. Anytime DW tells her mom that the baby met a milestone (for example, rolling over for the 1st time), her mom told her "Babies are supposed to do that".

Every bone in my body is telling me that this woman is big, big trouble, and I don't feel safe with our child in her presence, especially after she used our DD as a pawn, but DW is insistent upon seeing her. She is still scared of her mom, and what she'll do if she doesn't do what she wants. I'm getting near my wits end here. If we didn't have a child, I would just tell my wife to go see her family, without me, butn I eel I need to be there to protect our daughter. Her mom will make snide little comments towards DW, that she doesn't see as a problem, but our DD will start picking up on those soon, and I fear we're going to have problems when she does. DD needs to see DW as the alpha mom, and if she see's her own mom talking down to her, it could lead to problems. DW's therapist has helped some, but not completely as DW still asks "How High" when her DM says "Jump". Any advice is welcome.