This blog is a kickoff to a little series I will be doing on teen challenges. While some of the issues we face in parenting teenagers are different for each family, there are many common ones that we deal with.
So let’s start off with a big one—the juicy lies that sometimes come out of our teen’s mouths. Oh, this is one that I have the most difficulty in dealing with. Because I have taught my children from early on that the consequences will be much more severe if caught lying.
By now my teens should have figured out that they will very likely get caught in their lies. So you would think that a lesson would be learned. Yet sometimes they challenge me on this.
What makes it especially difficult as a parent is that once your teenager lies, it’s hard to trust again. But trust we must.
I know, I know. You are probably thinking, “But wait, they have to earn my trust back!”
It definitely takes time to do this, especially if the lie was a significant one or there have been a series of them. But this doesn’t mean that you have to distrust every single thing spoken from their mouths from here on out.
Here’s why distrust can be dangerous. If you never believe anything your teen says, they will shrug their shoulders and say to themselves, “Then I might as well do the very thing my parent thinks I am doing.” It can actually push them to do the wrong thing.
At the same time, you know your own teen. And if there is a serious problem with lying, then it definitely needs to get nipped in the bud.
You should also take the time to think about why your teen lies. Is it because they truly are trying to get away with something? Or could it be that they don’t feel secure in sharing with you some of their struggles?
Could it be that the rules in the home are overbearing? Or maybe it is outright rebellion in your teenager.
Uncovering the why behind the lies can help you navigate this difficult issue much easier, because if you know the reason, you can tackle it head on. At the same time, it doesn’t excuse your teen from lying.
If you are going to punish your teen, make sure the consequences fit the crime. And don’t keep throwing the lie in your teen’s face. We all make mistakes.