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This topic contains 4 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by DianeRay 4 years, 10 months ago.
April 21, 2009 at 5:32 pm #192362
How concerned should we be that a 15 year old boy has no friends?
This first came up when he was 8 or 9, but we thought he’d grow out of relying on his father as a playmate.
At 13-14, things seemed alright and he always had a gang of guys over, though we did hear of arguments and “he’s not my friend” one week and “we’re friends again” the next.
Last year he wanted to change school to join the sport (football) program. Unfortunately, he learned, once there, that his grades weren’t good enough. Then, he wasn’t geting along well with the guys from that football team as they teased him about the team he’d came from.
He wanted to go back to his regular school and was out of school for nearly 4 months (red tape) and is now in yet another school.
My husband attributes his lack of friends to all this moving from school to school.
I’ve seen how the boy acts sometimes with others and feel there may be more to it than just that. (he tends to be a bit arrogant at times, considerably lazy and gets angry when told anything negative.)
Should we be concerned, or do we let him figure it out for himself?
He is not a solitary person. But he does spend week-end after week-end in his room on the computer, or shuffling around the house looking for something to do with his dad.
What would you do?
ThanksApril 21, 2009 at 6:08 pm #1031222
Arrogance, lazyness and getting bothered by the negatives are quite normal for teenage boys, we do tend to think we’re invincible at that age. Does he seem happy even though he doesn’t have many friends? Unless he seemed down or lonely I think I would probably let him be, some kids are all for friends at school, then when at home or in the holidays sometimes can’t be bothered to meet up. Just be careful if you talk to him about it, boys of his age can be quite sensitive.April 21, 2009 at 7:18 pm #1031232
That’s a bit how we were leaning.
For being lazy, I just worry that he relies on other too much. He’s always asking for favors and I wonder if some friends (or their parents) have grown wary of that.
As far as being happy, it’s hard to tell. He tends to rely on his sister a bit, hoping to hang out with her and her friends, but if it doesn’t always work out, he stays home and doesn’t really complain about it.
Hopefully, if he is unhappy, he’ll mention it.
thanks again.April 23, 2009 at 3:12 am #1031325
I attended 7 schools till I graduated; and, yes, I used to be really withdrawn and solved most of my problems with fist-fights.
Things changed after I turned 15 and I started boxing, then later transitioned into martial arts. The boxing training was 2-hours daily trianing, 6 days a week, which needless to say it built not only some muscle and character, but also tremendous self-confidence…
When I started high school I had no friends at all for quite some time. For most kids I came across as withdrawn and shy; but by 10th grade I had dozens of friends due to my improved self-esteem and confidence (and for breaking some bricks, doing some super high kicks, and beating up a bully who was about a foot higher than me).
My suggestion is, enroll him in some sports activity. Needless to say I recomend some combat sports, such as karate, kung fu, Tae-Kwon-Do, judo, etc; but footbal would be great too, except there he is part of a team and if he doesn’t fit in, he feels out of place. The beauty of combat sports is that you depend only on your strength (and they are much less dangerous than football – check the research behind it if you don’t believe me).
Of course, he should enjoy and believe in whatever he gets into. When i started boxing – and later in martial arts – some kids took pleassure in bullying me around; but I stayed calm and knew that with hard work one day i’ll be able to take care of myself… By today I have 23 years of martial arts under my belt and I say that it was the best activity I ever got involved with.
Now as the father of a 11 and a 10 year old, I made sure that they were in martial arts since they were 3-years old… They both are A students with an ocasional B and have plenty of friends…
Well.. I hope this helps.April 23, 2009 at 12:41 pm #1031338
[quote=egSebastian]Needless to say I recomend some combat sports, such as karate, kung fu, Tae-Kwon-Do, judo, etc; but footbal would be great too, except there he is part of a team and if he doesn’t fit in, he feels out of place. The beauty of combat sports is that you depend only on your strength (and they are much less dangerous than football – check the research behind it if you don’t believe me).
Of course, he should enjoy and believe in whatever he gets into.
Well.. I hope this helps.[/quote]
Thanks for the suggestion, but he’s been playing football for about 5years and played baseball for about 6. We and his mom have lived in the same neighborhood all his life and until recently, he’d always gone to the same schools (elementary then high school.)
Perhaps now that the football season has begun, he’ll get back into the swing of things and re-connect with some of the guys.
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