TheCageyLens's comments

Dealing with a Narcissistic Family Member - Blog Entry

15 Jan 2008 10:51 AM

Well, I too feel rather silly for ever listening to my narcissistic mother. She really had me fooled over the years of weekly and sometimes even daily long distance phone conversations. She and my father are getting up in years and I was the "choosen one" to "take care" of them since they had done so much for me after becoming a single parent. I was living in a different country and far enough away from home I should have stayed! Several months ago I decided to move back "home" where I was told I could go to school and finish my BA and be in a better position to care for my children in the future. Since I didn't want to move the children in the middle of the school year I asked if it was ok to bring them up 4 months before I moved because I gave my boss a full semester notice. During that time I realized I had made a mistake by moving them and the daily phone calls complaining about my children was depressing. I even took vacation time twice to visit and help but it was never enough. I honestly felt that my mother hated my children. I wanted to move them back and she wouldn't "let me". I decided to proceed and over the Christmas holidays I arrived into town Thursday before Christmas. I called and received an interview at a company my "best friend" worked and went for an interview Friday. I was told to proceed with necessary checks and a few classes and I believe I would have started the job immediately after receiving the necessities. This was not MY career choice but since I was moving back into a country I had not lived in for 18 years and was moving to a much smaller community, I didn't feel I would find decent paying work in my field. Even though I was told I could go back to school I knew I had to work to contribute. I walked away from a detached boyfriend, a job that I truly loved and a house I had invested $10,000 into. I didn't want to walk away from bills feeling it illegal but I still have not paid them off to date. That will come in time. My mother insisted that I stop paying my mortgage to forclose on the house and thought I should walk away from all my bills. Christmas eve I started pink eye and had to spend $65.00 on a walk in clinic and an antibiotic. The week between Christmas and New Years was a write off being sick and since I had not filed paperwork for geared to income housing, health insurance, etc... I felt pressured into doing it on New Year's Eve Day. I couldn't complete my paperwork necessary as I had not officially "landed" in the country I was returning to so I displeased HER! On New Years Day she told me I could not live in her house! After all that! She told me I abandoned my children since I had not contributed financially even though my parents received $200 per month from the government for the children to stay with them. My son had one month left in a semester in high school and I didn't want him to loose all his credits he had worked for and he did not want to move because he now had made new friends, and had a girlfriend. My daughter came with me and we are now living at my sister's house. She is happy to be out of grandma's house and has a new understanding of grandma. This I find very unfortunate. My daughter has a great relationship with my neice who is only 8 months older than she. Things are going well here. I have an interview at a local college coming up and it would be a miracle if I got the job after just moving back!! I'm really afraid that my mother won't allow my son to leave. He wants to stay but the more I read about this disorder the more afraid I am that it will have a lasting affects on him since he is a teenager. Oh, I forgot to mention that one week before I left to return home my mother kicked my son out of her house while I was 10 hours drive away. After several hours and another phone call I calmly asked her if she could wait til I arrived and she did. I worry that at any given whim she will kick him out again and I need to move him at the end of this semester. My problem is that my son doesn't want to move now. I calmly explained to him that we only have a few more years together and then he'll be going off to college himself. My mother insists that he is ok staying there!?!?!?! I think now she is only doing this to hurt me and now my son tells me I can't afford to keep him!!!! Should I insist that my son move now or wait til the end of the school year if he makes it that long?!?