tiredofdysfunction's comments

Narcissism-Symptoms and Treatment (1) - Blog Entry

05 Oct 2008 06:18 PM

Hi, I am new to this forum and so glad that I found it because I have been so frustrated in dealing with my mother and siblings. I have often felt in their presence as if I was in the twilight zone or in an Alfred Hitchcock film where the camera is askew. Denial of reality is so thick that its not even funny. I have tried to move from blame and bitterness to compassion and truth. Nevertheless, navigating a relationship with my family is terribly difficult and I have had to erect loving boudaries. Unfortunately, they do not see the boundaries and the truth as loving, and have decided to team up against me and say that it is me that has a mental problem. Truth is always skewed in my family by faulty perceptions. A little about my mom. Her parents died when she was 2 years old and she was then separated from her siblings as they were packaged up and sent to different homes within the larger family. My mother was sent to live with an aunt and her husband. The aunts husband repeatedly sexually abused my mother (she wont talk about it much, but she has mentioned it happening for years I believe). Nevertheless, my mother speaks about it as if it was "just something that happened back then". My mother has always been critical, never told me really that she loved me (accept in mocking me when I mentioned it to her that I haven't heard it), she routinely says cruel things to us and then says that we are sensitive, always says things to others to suggest that we have academically fallen short even though we are all doing well and are intelligent, and generally she has a wall up where even though you try to reach her heart and tell her how you feel she rejects it and invalidates your feelings. She then will turn around and demand the same empathy, respect, etc. that she has just told you that you are sensitive to ask for. Empathy seems to be nonexistent. As an example, I don't have children and have always wanted them. As I cried and told her how it pained me to not be able to have kids, her immediate response was "I was never able to live life as selfishly as you do". I was dumbfounded (sp.?) Now, she is 80 years old and has been diagnosed with an aggressive cancer. She is now living with me and I am trying to compassionately care for her while maintaining the boundaries that I learned of in counseling. My other siblings show signs like my mom of BPD and NPD. Especially my brother, who is nasty on every occasion to me, says belittling comments, always acts as if he is doing more than he is in actuality (i.e. He doesn't show up to care for my mom, neither do many of my siblings except one who flew in to help me), yet my brother and other siblings make comments of me that I don't show love, I am mentally ill, think I am better than they, and generally that I am reaping the backlash of my bad behaviors towards them. (these "bad behaviors" are my telling the truth about our family, and pointing out a system of denial and running from the truth). They are really mad with me, yet when there is a family need, they readily drop it on my doorstep and then criticize my efforts. Please comment if you would. I need some clarity. What does it sound like my mother has? What of my family? How do I navigate these relationships while dealing with death and dying issues with my mom/family? I believe I am dealing with narcissistic rage with my family and am trying to stay free from the emotional entanglement of dysfunction. Any suggestions?