Resistance and Denial can be a single parent’s best friends–at least in the beginning. After a while, we realize that all this fighting and resisting we are doing, and all the energy we put into denial may be better spent elsewhere. At some point, the day comes when we realize that acceptance is really the first step before we can make room for real change.
When I say “acceptance” I do not mean giving up and giving in. Acceptance is really about ceasing to resist reality and admitting that what is, is. Think of it this way, if you get up in the morning expecting sunshine and instead you find out that it is raining, you might be a bit disappointed. If you spend the entire day in a grumpy funk, crabby at people and feeling sorry for yourself because the weather is not what you expected, then you are really resisting reality. If you allow yourself a moment or two of disappointment and then accept that the weather is going to be what it is, regardless of what you WANT it to be and get on with your day, you are choosing a much healthier way to face the reality.
Acceptance is an important step before our lives can change for the better. By giving up the grudges, stopping the behaviors that we might be clinging to that are keeping us stuck, and accepting that people are who they are (instead of trying to change them), you can really create the openness and space that your life needs for things to change and move forward. Meanwhile, accepting things as they are has benefits for our children too–it grounds us in the moment so that we can be more present and available parents, and we are better able to appreciate our children and our lives as they are.
Also: Accepting Your Kids Just as They Are