Sooner or later, many single parents do start dating again. Once we do, we face several issues, including what do we call the people we date or the person we may become seriously interested in. How do we talk about that person with our children (if we do) and what sort of language is appropriate and fits with our family culture?
The age of our children figures in to how we handle and what we call people who we might date. Do we call them “friends”? What happens when our children want to know what the difference is between a “regular” friend and those whom we choose to date? I have always wanted to give my children proper terms and language for things, but this can be an emotionally-charged and uncomfortable situation for many. Whatever language we give our children, we can be quite sure they will use it when talking to their friends, the neighbors, and grandparents. This is one of the reasons I never wanted to use the word “lover”–it just felt inappropriate when my kids were small.
Words like girlfriend and boyfriend can be safe for some, but they can also be words that are ambiguous–the child may want to know what does that mean? Does it mean that you are dating or that you are going to get married. One thing I do feel strongly about is not encouraging a child to come up with “pet” or nicknames for a person a single parent might be seeing, or to start calling them “mom” or “dad” prematurely. This can be a set-up for boundary problems and broken hearts.
I would love to hear suggestions and advice from other single parents regarding dating language–what do you refer to your dates as (“dates” is a reasonably good term) with your children and has it changed as your children have gotten older?
Also: Should You Include Your Child on a Date?
Dating Tips for the Single Mom
Should My Children Meet the Person I’m Dating?