The holidays can be the most difficult time of year for those who have lost loved ones. My husband’s mom passed away five years ago, and the pain is still there and even more pronounced during the holidays. We all miss her very much, and Christmas is the most difficult time for us, because she was so into it. She would get as excited as the kids did about Christmas. She’d call me up just to say, “Two more days! I can’t wait!”
Sometimes, she’d get so excited she really couldn’t wait and would start giving our girls their presents early. She decided that we’d start doing Christmas Eve at her house and open gifts then instead of waiting until Christmas. With a sly smile, she’d say, “We get to give them their presents a day early this way!”
My eleven year old was especially close to Grandma. She was the baby at the time. My baby was born just before Grandma went to Heaven, so she didn’t really get the chance to know her. My eleven year old and I usually have a moment where we just look at each other and know… a certain Christmas song will come on, or we’ll pull out a decoration or an ornament that she gave us, and we just sense the loss in each other.
My husband will usually wander off and take a few moments for himself. My girls and I just hug and try to remember all the happy times. We know she would want us to be happy and wouldn’t want to see us sad and upset. We try to remember that. Soon, we’re telling funny stories and feeling at peace, remembering her smile, and her childlike joy on Christmas.
Later, when the kids are asleep, I’ll go to my husband or he’ll come to me and we’ll just hold each other. There are usually few words. They aren’t necessary. We just hold on and know that we have each other’s other love for better or for worse, and that no matter what we can comfort each other. That is reason enough for joy.
Coping with Holidays without Your Spouse
Holidays when Your Spouse is Away from Home