Does it feel as if your child reserves his very worst temper tantrums for you, while being a complete angel for your ex? I’ve felt this way on more than one occasion. In fact, I’ve had more than a few break downs about this very thing. I felt like my son must like my ex better because he was always so much better there. I recently read an article that made me feel much better about the difference in attitude between homes.
Karen Dudley, a child development specialist at UCLA, says this, “The primary caregiver is generally the person with whom the child feels most comfortable expressing his strong feelings.” So it’s not that he doesn’t like you anymore, he just feels safe expressing his feelings with you. He is spending more time with you, learning where his boundaries really are. The best way to learn these boundaries is to test them, which quite often is when Mommy hits her breaking point, but rest assured this is normal. Believe it or not, kids actually like boundaries. Once they are established it gives them a sense of safety and security.
The most important thing is to stay consistent with your child. If you tell them they can’t have any candy if they don’t finish their dinner, be sure to follow through. If you give in to their wailings, it only tells them that the longer they cry, the more likely you are to give in. Soon enough, your kids will learn that they are going to have to listen to get what they want.
Try not to stress if your child continues to behave better at Daddy’s house. Children tend to act out more with the parent they live with. It’s a sign that they feel safe with you, and that’s all we really want anyway. It may be harder at times, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world.