Of all of the emotions we go through after the diagnosis of our child, anger is perhaps the worst one. We can sometimes hold on to anger for too long and it begins to eat away at us, and the person we were before diagnosis. We can hold a grudge against a disease. We can scream and place blame on other people. These reactions get us nowhere. In the face of chronic illness, there isn’t anyone to blame. There isn’t anyone to yell at or hold a grudge against. Trying to do so won’t cure the disease, but will make you weaker. My anger surfaced again after we were told our second does not have cystic fibrosis. Why? Because my first child still does.
If you are having trouble letting go of the anger you feel due to your child’s diagnosis, there are steps you can take to overcome it. It can be difficult to let go, but it is something you must do in order to better care for your child and yourself.
First of all, you have to be able to admit that there isn’t anyone to blame. No one pointed a finger at your child and cursed her with a condition. Your child isn’t being punished for something that you or your partner did. Chronic illness is one of those things in life that can’t be controlled or planned for. It comes out of nowhere and of course, isn’t fair. It doesn’t play favorites.
Set some goals for yourself and your child’s health. For me, I focused on getting my daughter through her first year of life free from any respiratory illness, including colds. I set my mind on cleaning hands and keeping sick people away. I kept her out of playgroups and large crowds and didn’t focus on what I wasn’t able to do or where I wasn’t able to go, but rather on the benefits that keeping her healthy would bring to her. After that first year was illness free, I set my sights on getting her through the winter, the spring, and then the summer. Then, she eventually did get that first cold, but she was almost two years old before it happened, and I was proud that I protected her lungs from harm for so long.
Seek support from friends, family and professionals. Talk to someone about how angry you are. Whether you choose a close family member or friend, or seek a professional to talk with, having an outlet will help. Allow yourself to feel the anger, talk about it, and let someone help you to work through it. Talking to a parent who has been in your shoes can offer a great deal of help.
Take each day one at a time. It isn’t easy to deal with the variety of emotions that run through you after you child is diagnosed with a chronic condition. Each morning marks a new beginning to let go of your anger and focus on caring for your family.