When my husband and I disagree on something, I don’t like to use the phrase, “We got into a fight.” That makes it sound like one of those knock-down, drag-out arguments that can quickly spiral out-of-control.
Thankfully those days are long behind us. We are too mature—okay, maybe it’s really that we are too tired—as middle-aged adults to engage in that type of warfare.
And I can’t even really call our disagreements “arguing” because that sounds like two people going at it verbally. We don’t even do that anymore.
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Now we have what I call “discussions.” Oh sure, sometimes they are a bit heated but they remain fairly low-key.
Perhaps I should really give more credit where it is due. I think that through the years of marriage, what we have really learned is to fight fair. It can be done.
Here are some ways you can fight fair when you have a disagreement with your spouse…
First, don’t bring up an issue that was supposed to have been resolved already. That isn’t fair.
Second, don’t make it personal (such as attacking your spouse’s personality or appearance). That isn’t fair.
Third, don’t bring up every single little silly thing that bothers you about your spouse. That isn’t fair.
Fourth, don’t change subjects when discussing—or arguing, or fighting. That isn’t fair.
Fifth, don’t insist you solve a problem or talk about a matter when the other person truly isn’t ready to. That isn’t fair.
Sixth, don’t dismiss your spouse’s feelings or opinions. That isn’t fair.
Seventh, don’t involve other people in your disagreements. That isn’t fair.
Eighth, don’t call names, threaten or intimidate. That isn’t fair.
Ninth, don’t use teasing as a means of getting your message across. That isn’t fair.
Finally, don’t interrupt your spouse. That isn’t fair.
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Photo by markhillary in Flickr