Communication, empathy, and intimacy – these are all important qualities that you need in a relationship. We’ve also talked about flexibility being an important component in creating a successful relationship. You need a key to blend all of these qualities together and that key is negotiation.
Life is Fluid & Demands Change
When we meet new people, we play roles – whether they are roles created by our culture or roles created by who we want to be. The role may be that of the young urban professional, the dedicated volunteer or something else. We play these roles because we know what face we want to give to someone new that we meet. There are times when those faces can be difficult to reconcile when we marry because our spouses are often privy to all the faces and roles we possess.
Marriage also creates new roles for us to play. Being a wife is very different from being a girlfriend. Being a husband is very different from being a boyfriend. Some couples are just adjusting to these roles when they become parents and trust me, at that point – you both may feel like you are in a tailspin. In order to play all these roles, to keep the lines of communication open, to be flexible and to create an atmosphere of intimacy – you need to be able to negotiate.
Negotiation & Compromise
Negotiating your relationship is not necessarily just about compromising who you are or who you want to be. It’s about creating the couple you want to be. You will negotiate this from the first date to the engagement to the wedding and on into the marriage. You negotiate and you renegotiate. You need the good will and faith of your spouse to maintain these negotiations – but when you can do this – you create the couple you want to be.
Do you want to be the couple that relies on each other and confides in each other over the good times and the bad? You need to negotiate that. Do you want to be the couple that keeps their disagreements private, presenting only a positive and upbeat face to the rest of the world? You need to negotiate that. Do you want to be the couple that works together as parents, raising your children, but still finding time to share a candlelight dinner late in the evening when the kids are asleep?
Yes, you need to negotiate that. A successful relationship is flexible, the lines of communication are open, the intimacy is heartfelt and both spouses are willing to negotiate and weigh in on what is important to them.
Do you negotiate in your marriage?