Newspapers, radio and television–as much as we parents try to control what sort of news and information gets to our children, it eventually becomes necessary for us to process tragic news–a fatal accident, a community tragedy, or the death of someone in our close circle are just some of the hard realities that we may need to cope with within our families. Being available for our children, and helping them to understand and process the inconceivable can be a huge parental challenge.
There have been times over the years when I haven’t even known that my children were wrestling with a tragic piece of news–the death of a friend’s parent or the burning of a classmate’s house, for example. A few years ago, my daughter played on a soccer team where one of her teammate’s parents committed suicide. Not only did we need to process through this as a family, but it was necessary for the group of parents and coaches that comprised the team to find a way to help the girls work through it too.
I think the important thing is to allow time for working through tragic news and to make sure that everyone is heard and acknowledged. This can mean that a parent needs to work on his or her issues around the tragedy while still being available for each child. This is definitely not easy. It may be necessary to call in some reinforcements–grandparents, aunts, uncles, or other trusted adults that can help provide support and gentle care for the family and the children. A parent needs to be on the lookout for signs of depression or acting out in the child that needs to be addressed by a professional.
Talk things through in detail to make sure that questions are answered and fears are expressed. Some children will regress or return to old behaviors during times when tragedy seems to strike too closely. Other times, when something is in the news that doesn’t really affect someone known or close, but is still creating some concern, parents might be able to spend some extra time educating and explaining to help a child understand tragic or scary news.
Bad, scary, and tragic news is a fact of life–especially in our media-crazed world. As parents we need to be alert and available to help our children process when something hits a little too close to home.
See Also: Mom or Dad, I Need You! and The Demise of a Pet and Home and Family: Grief