Sex is a vital component of marriage and married life. The topic or acts of sex is often a taboo outside of the covenant of marriage for most religions. When it comes to marriage, sex is a physical union that involves emotional intimacy. It’s also an act that leads to procreation.
Marriage problems that involve sex are difficult for many couples to discuss or seek help for. One of the more difficult parts of sex is actually talking to your spouse or partner about what you enjoy and what you don’t. Because we don’t want to be criticized about our own sexual technique, we rarely offer advice (critical or otherwise) to our partners.
It’s an odd part of human nature to resist discussing a topic that has such relevant importance to many of us. For example, when your young and experimental – you are more likely to discuss it because it is a forbidden topic. When something is new, there is an element of excitement. But sex between marriage partners should never become relegated to routine or expected obligation.
For example, the first time you delved into chocolate ice cream was probably a delightful experience. But the fifteenth time you had it may not have been as exciting, but it was probably more than satisfying. You went out and got it again, didn’t you?
Now, relating sex and chocolate is a very female thing to do. But if you aren’t enjoying sex with your spouse, talk to them about it. The worst thing you can do is to say nothing at all. Saying nothing either sends the message that you are happy with the way things are whether they stimulating or not or it says you don’t care enough to change it.
Most partners want to know they are sexually attractive. They want to know that the element of lust is still intact in the marriage. When attraction weakens between a couple don’t think your marriage is doomed. Try to identify why its lacking.
For example, I know one woman who went through a period of about 18 months when she simply had no interest in sex with her husband or anyone else. At all. Her husband was frustrated with the situation, not just because he was feeling the physical limitations; but because he couldn’t figure out why.
The reason, they both discovered in counseling, was not him at all. She really believed she was unattractive. She couldn’t understand why he was interested when she wouldn’t be. That deep seated feeling that she lacked attractiveness translated into diminishing her own needs. So talk about what is happening, seek counseling if you believe you need it, but pretending it isn’t problem will not make it go away nor will it improve the situation between you. Marriage is about both of you and both of your needs.