Most of the time I am an over-communicator. If there is a problem I talk about it because I hate the tension that builds when there are unresolved issues bring into my life. It causes me a lot of anxiety so I have found that if I talk things through right away I am much more able to handle things.
My ex and I used to be really good at communicating things with each other. In fact, for a while there our post-divorce communication was a lot better than when we were married. The last several months have been a struggle for us. Due to changes in both of our lives, communication has been lacking, causing little issues to become big ones in a hurry. Because of the lack of communication we both have misread each other’s intentions on countless occasions and have been hurt by the other without even knowing it. Unfortunately, it usually takes some kind of blow up for us to get our heads straight again, when all of this could have been solved if we had just communicated our thoughts and feelings to each other.
The solution seems so easy. Just talk about it! For many divorced couples, including us, this is much easier said than done. There are often many unresolved issues left over from the marriage and you may still feel angry for the things that happened during that time. When I start to feel bitter about the way things happened I have to remind myself that being angry isn’t going to change what happened. It wasn’t fair, and it still hurts, but they still happened. It’s important to leave those things behind us and focus on the problems you are facing today. As hard as it is sometimes, talk things through with each other while the problems are small; letting them fester will only cause bigger problems down the road.