Healthy, normal and well adjusted children experience trusting relationships and strong attachments. Children who experience single caregivers and can always rely on their caregiver to meet their needs have a secure and warm feeling of trust. This feeling of trust allows them to explore the world and learn by precept and emulation. Their trusting attachments to parents and caregivers are a strong deterrent to misbehavior. Children develop a since of empathy as well as a conscience. This trusting feeling is the foundation for a child’s development of a value system.
The ordinary two-year-old has a reputation of being a little bit obstinate and refusing to cooperate, all two-year-olds are developmentally becoming independent. When my oldest biological son was this age I could take him to the public park and he would have a wonderful time. He stayed near mommy, but would slowly expand his distance and play for periods of time independently. He would always keep his eye on mommy, and knew how to get my attention. He would come to me if someone new came to the park and sit on my lap for a moment, until he felt safe again and then toddle off and play some more.
A child who has not found trust to be proven, by one single caregiver may play and appear to be an ordinary two-year-old. When my youngest son was two I was his fourth mommy, and I had only been his mommy for a year. While his memory may not have retained his former caregivers, he had broken bonds and an attachment that could never be the same as the attachment my biological children had with me–the only mommy they had ever known. None of this had anything to do with the way I loved both of my sons, it had everything to do with how they were loved from the moment they were born.
When I took Jeremiah to the public park at the age of two, he would run to play and hardly look back at me. All big people were safe to him, his body had accepted many other adults caring for him. When he fell and hurt his knee he might stop for help from someone else’s mommy who was closer to him physically. It was subtle, but it was a fact my little boy had a slightly different attachment with me then his big brother did.
When a child is placed into a situation of dependence and trust of multiple caregivers, the child’s concept of trust is broadened and attachments are broken. Jeremiah had not always had “me” to take care of him, and he understood that one mother was just as good as any other. Jeremiah needed help to learn to depend on “his mommy.”
Special Needs and Adoption-Related Terms:
A | B | C | D | E-F | G-H-I | J-K-L | M | N-O | P | Q-R | S | T-U-V-W-X-Y-Z
For more information about parenting special needs children you might want to visit the Families.com Special Needs Blog and the Mental Health Blog. Or visit my personal website.