The other night we went over a friend’s house for a party. I was wondering where we’d all park, because there are 18 people coming, and I didn’t think many of us would carpool. “We’re all going to be coming two by two,” I said. I made myself laugh, but it’s true. When you run in married circles, people tend to go places two by two.
I already covered how I resent the idea that Jon and I are attached at the hip. The group of friends I saw is the same from quiz night. Most of us go to quiz with our spouses, and most of us aren’t always on the same team with our spouses. Many of us still go to quiz night even if our husband or wife can’t make it. Still, we enter most situations as a pair, going two by two.
I don’t know why this is weird for me. I guess it’s because, despite the fact that Jon and I have been together for nearly 10 years, we’ve only been married for almost 4. The people we’re spending time with are all closer to our parents’ age, so they’re more used to it. I still feel like a college student sometimes, wanting to go somewhere to hang out, or thinking a great Friday night is ordering in pizza or Chinese food and watching movies or playing video games. I just think of friends hanging out, not pairs.
When my friend was making a list of people to invite to her party, she wrote everyone down in pairs. Jon & Angela, Paddy & Brenda, Mark & Rosemary: all just like that. It still feels strange sometimes. Is that how I’m destined to be viewed now, as part of unit? Is that really such a bad thing? Why does it make me feel kind of weird?
It’s because I’m always determined to be viewed on my own merits, not my husband’s. It’s like how I hate being addressed “Mrs. Jonathan Shambeda.” I know that’s a traditional, formal form of address, but I hate it. It erases me entirely, only views me through my husband. Being viewed as part of a pair isn’t the same as that, but I think it’s just because I’m so determined to be viewed as an individual as well as a married couple, that it bleeds through.
I’m just going to have to get used to going places two by two. It really isn’t a bad thing. I’m very proud to be with Jonathan. It’s one more adjustment to make in early marriage.
*(The above image by photostock is from freedigitalphotos.net).