USAFeyez's comments

The experience of losing a parent - Blog Entry

21 Jan 2009 12:59 AM

My father is sick and and I am not quite sure how to deal with this appropriately. I can relate to Rowenap as I live on the other side of the county from my dad and this is super tough on me. He is my best friend and we talk all the time. My husband, 15 month old daughter, and I visited home for Christmas and I actually changed my flight to stay with him longer (with my daughter). I guess it was to spend as much time with him as I could (as well as have my daughter have more time with her grandpa)... I didn't want to leave. I feel guilty every time I leave and I feel so guilty for living so far away for the last couple of years and often wonder if I will regret not having that precious time with him. He tells me all the time that I had to move on with my life and start my own family, but it doesn't make it any easier. When I left to come home a couple of weeks ago, it was hard to say goodbye (as it was the time before that). I never know if this is the last time I will see him. I'm scared and am not ready to lose my dad, but I guess we never really are. I am so afraid to recieve that phone call one day. How am I going to sit on a plane for 4 and half or 5 hours to go home to bury my dad? Sometimes I wonder if I'm strong enough. I try to think positive and know that I am blessed to have had him in my life and for this long... long enough to see me graduate from college, walk me down the aisle, and see his first grandchild. I know that means the world to him as it does me.

Reading this article and other people's stories does help. I have had anxiety issues before and am afraid they will resurface. I don't want to write as if he is gone already, but I'm also trying to face the fact that he is not well and that's real. I feel like I think about this all the time and that doesn't help me any. I know nothing will help take the pain away, but I want to believe and know that in my heart that I will be ok when his time comes. Thank you for writing this article and thanks to everyone who have shared thier personal stories and heartache.