This topic contains 49 replies, has 38 voices, and was last updated by Das 6 years, 6 months ago.
August 2, 2005 at 1:45 am #72912
As it is now socially acceptable to live together without being married, unlike just a few decades ago when it was social death to do so, why do you think some people still bother to get married? And what is going on with some celebrity marriages which last a few weeks before splitting. What do you think is motivating these people to bother getting married? Is it just the attention they get on the day?August 2, 2005 at 7:07 am #200094
Com’mon! Isn’t it the fairytale dream of every little girl to someday get married! Most girls I know had waited for that day all their lives.
There’s moral and religious ties that marriage is sacred and that it is God’s plan for bringing families into the world. Not to mention the absolute security of knowing that your spouse is committed to only you and you to them.
As far as the celebrity marriages, I think much of it is for publicity. That in addition to doing what many non-famous people do and rush into a romantic relationship that is far more physical/external then true, deep friendship.
I can honestly say that my wife is my best friend! It’s sad that they can’t all be that way.August 2, 2005 at 3:15 pm #200100
I don’t have answers to your questions. However I have friends that could nto figure out why my wife and I didn’t want to live together before we got married.
One of them told me that she wanted to see how he really was.
Because my parents are from the old school, I was brought up with some of their values. I couldn’t have imagined leaving w/ my wife before marriage. Not b/c of how she is, but b/c I still value the old ways even though I’m not that old.
Just wanted to comment on that…August 2, 2005 at 7:02 pm #200115
I have to agree. I have always felt that marriage is a sacred thing and that people should be married before living together. It is those old-school values that many of us still want to instill in our children. It scares me to think of my children. 20 years ago, many things were not acceptable…period. And now many of those things are not only acceptable, but encouraged by some parents. Which to me is very sad. I am not here to stand in judgement of anyone and their feelings, but morals seem to be slowly slipping away from our society, so slowly in fact that many just accept it and go along with it. It is kind of like the frog in boiling water analogy. If you put a frog in boiling water, he will jump right out. But if you put a frog in cold water and heat the water slowly, he will sit there and cook to death, not realizing the damage until it is too late. Do I think you can still be a good person and live with someone, absolutely, do I think is right, no. And as far as the celebrities are concerned I think they put their pants on one leg at a time and make mistakes just like the rest of us. I would imagine that they also hurt at the breakup of a marriage (or any relationship) just like the rest of us.July 21, 2006 at 3:10 am #359992
[QUOTE=beth]As it is now socially acceptable to live together without being married, unlike just a few decades ago when it was social death to do so, why do you think some people still bother to get married? And what is going on with some celebrity m marriages which last a few weeks before splitting. What do you think is motivating these people to bother getting married? Is it just the attention they get on the day?[/QUOTE]
Please keep in mind that it may be socially acceptable by many, but not all. And it may be socially acceptable in your social circle, but it is certainly not acceptable in all social and faith circles! Including mine!
I don’t live in Hollywood, I reside in reality. Who cares what Britney Spears is doing? I really don’t. Some of that stuff is staged for publicity anyway. They are actors, and live in an unreal world. We live in reality, and shouldn’t look to actors for inspiration on how to live our lives.
If you feel marriage is a waste of time, based on Britney Spears and Tom Cruise’s marital history..you should rethink!
I assume you are not married, so you don’t quite understand yet why people get married. When you meet the right person, I promise you ..you will get it.July 21, 2006 at 3:50 am #360024
[QUOTE]Why do people still get married?[/QUOTE]
I cringed when I read that question. They get married for their own reasons, perhaps. For me it’s a sacred thing. A promise that I want between myself and my future husband.
For me it has nothing to do with the ceremony, as it is – if I did get married again it sure wouldn’t be much of one. It’s about loving the person I am with, commiting to him publicly and declaring to the world how I feel.
No I don’t care what the world thinks, it’s just the way I feel.
I do hope you decide someday that you love someone enough to marry them. It’s the most amazing thing.July 21, 2006 at 4:07 am #360034
My dh and I just got married in January after being together six years. We were already committed to each other, already owned a house together, and had three kids together. It never seemed like a big deal to me as I knew we were committed. Ultimately, I wanted to get married because my oldest (twins) were starting to realize that mommy had a different last name, and I wanted it to be the same as theirs. Another big reason, was because of what others thought. As bad as that sounds, I worry a lot about what others think of me and I couldn’t tell you how many times we were asked when we were gonna get married.July 21, 2006 at 4:30 am #360037
For kids. That’s the only reason for me.July 21, 2006 at 4:33 am #360038
Congrats Tiffany on your recent marriage. I think that is beautiful you thought about your kids and what they might find important. I hope you have a blessed marriage!
Beth, I was a little surprised too by your question. I would not agree that living together unmarried is socially acceptable in most places. Maybe people aren’t typically rude in front of the couple that’s living together, but I’ve heard neighborhood gossips about people living together even if it’s not their business. I even live in a liberal area. Perhaps in some communities living together unmarried is socially acceptable, but not in the community I live in.
We got married because we felt it was the highest form of commitment there was. Before God and by law and to each other we “tied the knot”. We are bound to each other FOREVER. There was a LOT of preasure on us by my mil to live together rather than get married. She felt we were too young to marry (but not to young to “act” like it?:rolleyes: ). I didn’t want to look like I was living with a man who didn’t feel I was worth marrying. I didn’t want people seeing me shacking up and getting the wrong idea about my standards and expectations. I had that the saying, “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free” going through my head. I also was raised that dating was for the purpose of finding the right man to marry–rather than to just have a good time and experiment with. We did give in to the preasure and got an apartment 3 months before our wedding, but I felt so guilty we had separate rooms and I felt I had to tell everyone that :rolleyes: . If I could have gone back I would have waited.
Another reason why people still get married is the legal benifits.July 21, 2006 at 7:45 pm #360260
Living together or getting married are both legal choices. Living together is acceptable socially in some communities/circles, & not in anothers. Those choosing to live together are likely aware of this in most cases when they make their choice.
A positive in people living together before marriage is the ability to see if the ‘close quarters’ relationship works. This can help avoid divorces & help prevent children being in single parent homes if the couple waits & does not have children until they decide to get married.
A separate positive can be providing a 2 parent home in the case of an unplanned pregnancy where 1 of the parents is accepting of living together, but not willing to marry.
Negatives in living together unmarried are the potential effects on their families (but I still see it as their choice) & the chance or perhaps greater chance of a child being born ‘out of wedlock’ (a separate issue).
There’s also the possibility a couple will live together before marriage but without complete intamacy. I’d guess this is possible but extremely unlikely.July 21, 2006 at 8:18 pm #360280
For me…it was love and security. I love my husband, and longed for a secure, stable, commited relationship. I had been a single mother for years prior to meeting my dh. It took me months before I let him meet my daughter, as I wanted to make sure that he was “the one.” As corny as this sounds, I knew when I met him that I was going to marry him. I liked him instantly, and eventually after meeting my dd, we knew that we wanted to take our relationship to the next level. I have since then become a christian, and I know that in the eyes of the Lord, being married is the right thing to do.
One last point, there is also the legal aspect of marriage, for example, if God forbid something happened to me, my spouse has the right to make medical decisions for me. And not to mention, the whole insurance aspect of things in a marriage, that are not normally recognized if you are just boyfriend/girlfriend, right?:rolleyes:July 21, 2006 at 9:55 pm #360313
floridamama, agree totally.
You summed it up a little better than I did, though I failed miserably in when he got to meet my kids department LOL
Of course he had three kids, and I had two and they had known each other for five and a half years, so it wasn’t as if we could do the same thing you did
As for the legal aspect of marriage, insurance benefits, tax benefits, and medical benefits (decisions, etc) are all reasons to get married.
I think the reasons to get married differ for each person and that’s ok.July 21, 2006 at 10:16 pm #360319
I think many people get married to try fix all there problems. My friend told me once that being married was the easiest thing to do. Of course he then informed me that staying married is the hardest thing to do. He finalized his divorced 3 weeks ago. I don’t think couples should live together. Many issues of close living quarters can be addressed with long talks about habits and like and dislikes. With some respect and practice many things can be worked out. We have been married almost 9 years and still going strong. We never lived together for moral reasons. Now when my son grows up, I can look him straight in his eyes and ask him to wait until he’s married. We as a society are always in such a rush, slow down, one step at a time.July 22, 2006 at 12:54 am #360401
[QUOTE=fremont36]A positive in people living together before marriage is the ability to see if the ‘close quarters’ relationship works. This can help avoid divorces & help prevent children being in single parent homes if the couple waits & does not have children until they decide to get married.[/QUOTE]I’ve heard this argument before. However, I have seen research (couldn’t quote where now) that indicates that the opposite is true: that people who live together before getting married are MORE likely to divorce than couples that wait until marriage to move in together. I personally am against living together before marriage.July 22, 2006 at 2:44 pm #360595
Were Adam & Eve married?
If you aren’t already commited to your relationship before marriage ~ a “legal” document isn’t going to help or change your “commitment”~ it’s only a piece of paper used to document your commitment to each other
The forum ‘Marriage & Relationships’ is closed to new topics and replies.