Xercius's comments

When Parents Are Divided by More Than a Few Miles - Blog Entry

26 Nov 2007 11:02 PM

My soon to be ex-wife lives 1500 miles away from us, currently my children live with me but my custody battle is not finalized yet. Either way it ends up, travel is expensive, more than we can realistically afford. I am good at keeping her in the loop and providing information on school and activities the kids are in and even doing my best to facilitate communication between the children and their mother, but when they have visited her (for the summer) she told me nothing of their life down there. Getting any information out of her was like pulling teeth, I provide pictures on a regular basis for her and all of my childrens relatives, but I have no pictures for the 9 weeks they were visiting her. It was like a black hole.

Stepparents As 'De Facto' Parents: The US Supreme Court Weighs In - Blog Entry

26 Nov 2007 10:48 PM

I forgot to mention one important detail. Many parties involved in my divorce case believe I have a strong chance of winning. It is, in this case, in the best interests of my children. So as you may have noted in my comment above, my 'wife' and her lawyer have only been focusing on trying to prevent me from even having rights to my oldest son.

I am the only father he will ever know, how is that in his best interests? The course of action they just took could result in him being pulled out of kindergarten and suddenly moved 1500 miles away, separating him from his brother until at least February when the trial is held. How is that good for him? How is it good for him to be without his mother for so long? this is her choice, I did not up and move 2000 miles away. She has chosen her boyfriend over her children and now she intends on taking them away from my and the rest of both our families.

Stepparents As 'De Facto' Parents: The US Supreme Court Weighs In - Blog Entry

26 Nov 2007 10:44 PM

I will have to partly disagree with the comment made by b_mule. I agree that custody of children should not be given out nonchalantly, great care should be taken to assure the children are provided with the best home from the choices available. But I disagree as well, and the following will reveal why.

I am a parent of two boys, 4 and 6 years old. I suppose you could legally refer to me as the step parent of my eldest son, but I have never considered that of myself. I am his Father. I became his father when he was 8 months old, his biological father has not and will never be a part of his life in any capacity.

20 months ago my wife decided to leave me with very little warning, she took both my children with her and moved 2000 miles away. After 2 months she agreed to send both children back to me, for the next 10 months I raised them alone, she came to visit them twice and never asked for them back, she also sent very little in the way of finances to assist me. During this time I found out she was living with another man and that my marriage was truly over, things escalated and I suddenly became afraid that she would swoop in and try to take one or both of my children despite our agreements.

At that time, 12 months after she left, 10 months after I started raising the children alone, I filed for Divorce and filed a limited restraining order preventing the kids from leaving the state of Washington (my wife lives in another state, 1500 miles away). Once a temporary parenting plan was put into place (an order we both agreed on, including granting me de facto parent status), we dropped the restraining order so that it would not go on my wifes record.

She agreed that I would keep the kids for the school year and that she would get them for the summer, so after filing (in March of 2007) I had the kids until June, then they went to stay with their mother for 9 weeks. Near the end her lawyer filed something to try to take my rights over my oldest son away from me, it failed. But in the process my trial, set for August, was pushed back until November.

Now, my trial was supposed to be last week, but the week prior her lawyer filed another motion to dismiss my oldest son from the case, based upon a new case that just completed at the beginning of this month. Now, my new trial has been set for the two days prior to Valentines Day in 2008, a hearing was held today to essentially determine if I have any rights to my oldest son. We are waiting to hear the judges decision, it could be tommarow, it could be weeks from now and it is killing me.

I AM his father and I deserve those rights regardless of what the judge finds. All the de facto parent stuff does is provide me with the legal basis to be considered on par with my wife for determining what is in the best interests of my children. While people run around blabbering about my wife's rights being violated they trample all over the rights of my children.

Who's rights are more important, the rights of the parents or the rights of the children? Doesn't my son deserve to have a father legally recognized by the court? Should I not have the same legal rights and responsibilities as their mother? In Love and Responsibility I will always be his father, both my children are equally my sons, biology does not matter, all that matters is my love for my children and my love of being a father.

My son does not even yet know that there is a biological difference between he and I.