Yambasticks's comments

The experience of losing a parent - Blog Entry

13 Sep 2008 08:02 AM

After losing my mother to a short battle with geneic oral cancer at age 55, really too young to die if you ask me I have learned the hard way that time never heals the pain, time only changes how you handle the pain. Over time you become stronger, knowing full well you can't change anything, that you can't bring back your dead parent, and that things whether we want them to not are changing....... for us it was tough, our father began failing and we at least myself felt we would be digging his grave in a short few months because of his own grief, and I could hardly believe myself encouraging him to date to have fun, and seek out companionship. He just simply could not live and dance on my moher's grave. Now he is happily married, and the change even though we as children do not tend to care much for his new wife are at least sure dad may live just a bit longer as God intended. While mom was dying, I think the process was more difficult. None of us could decide what the best thing for mom was. I thought one thing, my sister thought another, my brother tried very hard not to offer an opinion, and dad found himself caought in the grieving cycle and was angry with no clear reason other than there was no money to be had to treat mom with what she needed. my folks knew their married children had families of their own and had limited resources and time an rarely were much help. As married kids, we all blamed each other, we should have done this or that, and pointed fingers, but the truth was the inevitable was coming and it did. Even though it sounds harsh death was mercy in her case, death was her escape from the clutches of the vicious killer of cancer, and as much as we hated letting go married or not i was the best thing for her. we are by our very nature creatures of habit, and "we don't like change, we feel frightened and insecure when change in our lives begin to happen, but life will always be, "lets change and sort through feelings that we have, and as in the Lion King, and some sci fi stories when death is happening tragically to parents their last cry is always, "we have taught you well, you know how to stand on your own and you can do it. Losing a parent, a sibling, or even an extended family member or friend will always be painful, but we all must remember above anything, our parents live in us regardless and we can cope with the changes, and teach our prosterity the same, and we must somehow be secure in that, and if we aren't we must work on that.

My heart is always heavy and I still cry over my mother's passing, but I know she has taught me well, and I know that even though I may not care much for the changes in my own father's life that the change is best for im too.

Bird Basics: Sun Conures - Blog Entry

13 Sep 2008 06:19 AM

sorry Valorie, I'm new here, and did not realize that.

Why Birds Make Great Pets - Blog Entry

12 Sep 2008 06:41 PM

I disagree with the "Birds make great pets for most families, and there are reasons for stating this, the larger the more demanding they are, the smaller the bird, then yes they are appropriate for an apartment, but put a nanday or a sun conure, or a cockatoo in an apartment your neighbors you can bet will without any doubt complain.

Birds such as Cockatiels and cockatoos tend to have quite a bit of dander powder and sadly provoke allergies in some sensitive people and appropriate filtrations need to be set up in your home to take care of the bird. and allergy ridden family members.

there are also these factors to consider as well: 1. birds especially the larger ones can be loud, and some can make people want to ditch the bird to the nearest buyer they can, but it angers me that they always want a full refund so they charge whatever they think they can to their unsuspecting friend that they are buying a bird with a potential behavior problem.

2. If yoou show fear to a bird, he loves to continue the intimidation and you may provoke and encourage him to bite because birds love drama. if they bite and you scream and run the bird will think biting is a game and you will probably encourage him to bite repeatedly., The best thing to do is to not react at all. Take the bite, and never never strike your bird.,

3. birds do not understand punishment, but they do understand, no attention.

4. They flap and fly and can intimidate people just enough to make people feel they shouldn't have ever brought a bird into their lives.

5. All birds bite. If yoiu can't live with getting bit once in a while for whatever reason and you won't learn to read your birds to find out when and why your bird might strike you at any time you have no business owning a bird.

On that note: if you don't like new clothes, or nice clothes getting filled with cuddle drill holes your parrots make on your shirt a bird is not for you.

On one other and final note: you should never purchase a parrot with the thought when you get in a pinch, or you want that overdue vacation, or that new car, or something expensive, you should not be using your parrot as chunk change and sell him off to get it.

when you do, you set your winged angel up for the vicious rehoming cycle that is cruel, and a living hell for any bird that gets put on it so with that said, any family should do their homework before bringing a pet bird home.

Parrots should never be owned explicitly by children, childrn should share ownership with their parents and their family........

Bird Basics: Sun Conures - Blog Entry

12 Sep 2008 06:26 PM

I love any type of conure, but I believe firmly more than anything else in defense of conures, larger parrots, and even the small is that we must educate people about these birds, and the awful truth behind some of what goes on behind the scenes of having a bird or bird. That is that if taken care of properly any species will live a very long time, often out living their owners. Sun Conures, Nandays, and Jendays are known to have ear shattering cries, believe me the nandays being the loudest are the # on1 cause for these birds to lose their human homes. this means it puts them out on the rehome cycle. sadly the rehome cycle is filled with so many pit falls its frightening to think of it all.

Conures are not for beginners who want to get into parrot ownership. Conures can nip and bite and the inexperienced hands and hearts can find these birds too challenging and get overwhelmed quickly.

the rehome cycle means more often than not that the bird is at extreme risk to become abused and or neglected by a new owner who is not screened well, and or the parrot becomes unwanted. The sad truth is there are parrots that have and are left in homes to die of starvation and lonliness.

how do we educate people that parrot ownership is for only a few people and not everyone who thinks, oh, I want that beautiful bird, and then expect the bird to behave like a well behaved human child.

the truth is they all squawk, they all flap and fly, scream and chatter and for some people they simply do not understand that all birds bite. Good heavens, bieaks are the mouths like we have mouths. How else do we expect them to communicate. I too love the sun conures, the dusky, the maroon belly, the nanday, the jenday, the cherry heads and many many others.

so when we write articles on birds we really need to try our best to make sure if at all possible that we can "educate as many people about parrot ownership as possible. and I believe it is so awsome that at least some of you are thouroughly excited about conures just as I am.

There's No Shame in Marriage Counseling - Blog Entry

12 Sep 2008 05:39 PM

all shook up ever since I heard about the collapsing of my cousin's daughter's marriage I find that I can't stop thinking about her daughter, and the things that seem to be wrong with the whole situation:

Here it is with thoughts, questions and all:

Currently the marriage status is "it's over- divorce papers are signed and the court date and selling the house is all that is left.

They have had a temple marriage and been happy for three years, but now, someway somehow her soon to be ex's former girl friend has shown up, and is now his girl friend again.

Although his parents are active L.D.S. people and his father is a councelor in their bishopric in their small town rather than help this couple try to reconnect and work out their differences, they- his parents paid for the divorce.......

can someone tell me church policy on doing this? My cousin said she never would have paid for their divorce that it is something that should have been worked out between them as a couple?

Paying for the divorce, isn't that making assunder what God has joined together? can someone tell me this?

Yes things are toxic between them and probably always will be. Even though they knew they were headed toward a divorce and he was not treating her right he still wanted "sex from her, which she would not give him..........

She and her parents are terrified because her soon to be ex is a cop in their town that he will retailiate and do crap to her........

and I guess he also pinned her against the wall and put his fist through the wall. Her mother told her to call the cops and it is our understanding that he was arrested for it, and the entire bizzarity of it all is that his parents who paid for the divorce called his girl friend for bail money for him.

I am extremely disturbed by the fact that good latter day saint parents, and one that is serving in the bishopric would pay for his child's divorce rather than offer counceling to both kids and tell them how sacred their temple covenants are. and to sort through their differences and to remind their son that the ex girl friend needed to stay completely out of his life to stay connected to his wife that he married in the temple.

what does everyone think? Does anyone know church policy on this, and what might be done.

The result is so far: My cousin's daughter is being driven from the church and wants less and less to do with the church each day. She is badly effected by his parents behavior as well as his.

I also understand that he is extremely jealous and that whenever she is out and about in public he is so afraid that she's doing crap with any man she encounters.

So the marriage is basically over. He laid his hands on her, and she nor will her folks put up with a man hitting, or beating her or any of their kids. so she is worried that his parents, and him will take her to the cleaners that she will get nothing.

but we are all trying our best to support her and tell her that she can replace things. we know she's worried about her finances, that the divorce will make them a great mess, and she also in our opinion needs a near by women's shelter for battered women just in case.

we are hoping the finalization of the divorce will be the end of it, but I did remind her mother that he may not be finished with her especially if he is jealous, demanded sexual favors from her even though the marriage is/was on skid row, and has pinned her to the wall.

I think he still may come after her, do what he can to demand any wifely things fix dinner, clean his house, have sex, be seen with him in places regardless...;.

any ideas? are my thoughts and concerns about my cousin's daughter unfounded?

so everyone please pray that she, and also he and his parents and hers will somehow heal from this mess.

any quality real information, about policy, resources, and any idea that will help tthem out would greatly be appreciated.

thanks Edit/Delete Message

To Replace an Engagement Ring or Not, That is the Question - Blog Entry

12 Sep 2008 01:10 PM

when it comes to rings, even wedding rings we all must remember although extreamly important to us, that when it comes down to it, you both can live without your rings. your story reminds me of my own. 1st thing, I got a sodder break in mine, and there was no fixing it. years later I was critically injured, and because my fingers were always swollen I took it off at night, but there came a day my husband and I had to move, and a dear sister from the church helped us move, we couldn't find my ring, so yes we suspect because she was going through a divorce that she might have stolen my wedding ring, but I can let it go, and it took my husband a long time before he could, but the whole point of marriage is that you love each other. We simply didn't and still don't have the money to replace my wedding ring. that has been about 10 years ago, and also my husbands own hands tend to swell enough that he too cannot and has not worn his wedding ring for years now, so "don't sweat the small stuff, and get on with the business of loving each other and working on that eternal relationship.