Yelling is something a parent should never do. Easy to say. Not so easy to adhere to in times of stress.
I didn’t plan on writing about yelling tonight. I didn’t plan on yelling tonight. Who does? As usual it wasn’t my child’s fault. While she and her sister were clearly in the wrong and did not listen to instructions, it gives me no reason to lose control. Yet, I did. I am ashamed to say that yelling out of frustration is not a once in a blue moon occurrence. It is the one thing I do that I do that shames me to the point I feel unworthy of being a parent. You know how parents all get together and laugh over mistakes because we all understand each other? Well, yelling is not one of those things for me. I am far to ashamed to laugh.
It is scary for a child to see the person who should be in control lose control. It is scary for a child to witness your frustration get the better of you. Have you been yelled at recently? Do you remember how horrible it made you feel about yourself and about the person yelling? I can’t remember the last time someone yelled at me. My husband has too much respect for me to yell. He has too much respect for his children to yell. I think in the 20 years I have known him I have only seen him yell twice. Only one time was at a child. He has that self control because was the victim of a yelling parent. He knows too well the devastation it can inflict. I envy his self control.
I know I am not the only one who yells on occasion. I know I am not the only one who feel shame for it. Let’s work together to not use our children as sounding boards. Let’s give them the love and respect they deserve. Let’s not make them afraid of us because we lose control. How? Find your trigger. For me it is stress and feeling of control. I had a lot on my plate today and I am in for a long night. I am tired and stressed about a financial situation on top of having a load of work to do. You see..that is all about me. You want to know why my child was yelled at? Because she didn’t pick up a few things in the living room after I told her to. She doesn’t know my stress. She doesn’t know I am in for a long night. Yet, she knows that sometimes I am out of control. Find your trigger and when you start to feel it being pulled back, walk away. Take a deep breath. I will do my best and I may fail…I will fail at times…but I will try. Will you?