The Harmful “Him” vs. “Her”

I know that men and women think differently. My first impulse is to examine how much of that is natural and how much is a result of cultural conditioning, but that’s a study for another time, and really another blog. What I want to focus on today is the sort of “us” vs. “them” mentality that arises sometimes, and how that might affect marriages. I had to read “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” for a high school health class. I found it abhorrent, and said as much in my paper on the book. I understand as much … Continue reading

Sleeping in Separate Beds: You’re Not Alone

Our culture believes that couples who sleep in separate beds are either experiencing or inviting problems in their marriage. Because I’m a light sleeper, I’m a firm believer that couples should be free to sleep separately if necessary. Jon and I almost always sleep together, but if one of us is restless we move to another bed, to keep that person from being woken up. I know that sleeping in the same bed improves intimacy. Once kids are part of the equation alone time between couples is scarce, and time in bed together, even if it’s just the process of … Continue reading

The Importance of Touch

My husband just returned to work after 3-4 days home sick with a fever. I doted on him for the duration. I didn’t do it because I thought it was the wife’s role, but because it’s what I’d expect anyone to do if a person they loved was ill. I expect similar dedication from Jon when I’m not feeling well. Copying many of the nursing habits my mom employed when my brother and I were sick growing up, I made him endless cups of tea: Echinacea, cold care, green tea with honey. I froze juice and made slushies for him. … Continue reading

Do You and Your Spouse Sleep in Separate Beds?

In the days of black and white television, it was scandalous to show a man and woman in the same bed. I remember seeing episodes of I Love Lucy and wondered why Lucy and Ricky had twin beds—the world just wasn’t ready for anything more suggestive. Today when we hear of a man and woman sleeping in two separate beds, our thoughts immediately leap to the conclusion that they are having anger and/or sexual problems. But is that the only reason for sleeping separately? Some people are driven to the couch or to the guest bedroom by their spouse’s snoring … Continue reading

Lighting and Your Home: The Master Bedroom

I am a lighting fiend. I blame it on my poor vision. For years I suffered from frequent headaches, eyestrain, and yes, on one occasion I accidentally paired navy blue shoes with black pants (and that was with my contacts on). I finally determined I am someone who functions better with proper lighting. It may sound cliché, but don’t underestimate the proper placement of lighting in your home. It can save you from sore eyes and some most embarrassing fashion disasters. My ophthalmologist provided me with the following preferred placement measurements for different lights: A General Rule to Remember: For … Continue reading

Sleeping Together – The Benefits and the Challenges

When you’re married, we talk about sharing the marriage bed and the intimacy that creates. This is about more than sexual desire, however, it’s about the spooning, and the snoozing, the snuggling and the stealing the sheets that couples do when they sleep together. Sleeping is and of itself a very individual activity and while you may snuggle with your spouse and wake up to them, when you are sleeping – it’s not usually one we consider a joint activity. Millions of Couples Sleep Together The truth is, millions of us do share our beds and we do sleep with … Continue reading