Is It Possible to Affair-Proof a Marriage?

On Oprah’s “Why Men Cheat Part 2” show, M. Gary Neuman offered three ways to affair-proof a marriage: 1. Appreciate your spouse more. In fact, make sure to appreciate your spouse as much as you possibly can. 2. Have sex. Make time for sex. Enjoy sex. (He suggested women are bad about receiving pleasure. Men are better at that. By nature they’re takers and we’re givers. We’re not comfortable receiving. Be it sexual pleasure or tokens of affection. Mr. Neuman said instead of saying “You shouldn’t have” when your husband gives you something, you should say, “Yes you should have … Continue reading

Infidelity: Insult and Injury

In Does an STD Make the Crime of an Affair Even Worse?, I pondered just that. As deedee1231 pointed out, it probably doesn’t make it worse, it just adds insult to injury. I believe that. Yet when I wrote that article I didn’t think beyond an STD as a consequence of an affair that might add insult to injury. But then the whole prostitution scandal with former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer happened. Except, before I could ponder how he not only embarrassed himself but his poor wife and that’s certainly a huge insult too, my mom fell sick. I … Continue reading

Internet Infidelity Leads to Attempted Hit

This morning while I was once again watching Today (yes, I’ve noticed I start off with this line a lot), they ran a story about a woman who used Craigslist to try and hire someone to kill her lover’s wife. Apparently 49-year-old Ann Marie Linscott is married and lives in the Grand Rapids, Michigan, area. She met her lover, who lives in Oroville, California, while taking a course over the Internet. They engaged in a cyber affair, but when she tired of being the other woman she got the bright idea to use Craigslist to change all that. That’s pretty … Continue reading

No Longer Attracted to Your Spouse?

Sex is no doubt a very important part of marriage; but it is just that—a part. As some people come to a dry spell in their relationship not finding their spouse as appealing sexually as they once had, the temptations of extramarital affairs might come to mind, divorce, resentment and blame, or even depression. It’s important to reel yourself back to the heart of marriage which hopefully wasn’t based solely on sexual attraction but on genuine love and devotion. My hope too is that you are married to your very best friend and meant every single word of your marriage … Continue reading

A Ban on Divorce?

I don’t usually get involved in politics, but recently Wisconsin representative, Don Pridemore, addressed something that I just cannot ignore. He firmly believes that divorce should not ever be an option, even if you are being abused. He claims that if you think about the reason you got married in the first place, essentially that should solve all of your marital problems. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am very pro-marriage. Divorce is never something to take lightly, it certainly isn’t for everyone, but for many of us, it was the right thing. People have their agency. They make choices … Continue reading

The Three A’s

Divorce is never something to take lightly. In fact, I once had a professor who said there are only three valid reasons to get divorced; she called them the three A’s. It hit me so strongly that I have never forgotten it. Marriage is tough, but I am a firm believer that ALMOST anything can be worked out if both of you are putting forth the effort to make it work. Not every day is going to be a happy one, but in the end, most things can be recovered from if you are willing to put in the work. … Continue reading

Oprah’s “Why Men Cheat” Controversy

Last week Oprah did a show called “How to Affair-Proof Your Marriage: Why Men Cheat Part 2.” I don’t know if she had the “Part 2” planned or not. From the previews it kind of sounded like they did it in response to all of the responses Part 1 generated. It was the previews that caught my attention. Since I wasn’t going to be able to watch the show when it aired, I recorded it. Saturday while Wayne and I were hanging out to nurse Murph, he was flipping through our recorded programs on the DVR and saw the Oprah … Continue reading

The Psychology of Why Married Men Cheat, Part 2

In Part 1 I presented some of the reasons the panelists interviewed on Today posed as reasons for why men cheat. Here are the rest. The “Me First” Mentality Jeff Gardere, the psychologist (and the only man on the panel), brought this one up, Dr. Laura seconded it, and Helen Fisher nodded in agreement: men are weak and selfish. I definitely believe this one. Sure, there are some women who can be considered high maintenance, but all men are –no matter how simple they may seem. Admit it, ladies. You may have the greatest guy in the world, but he … Continue reading

The Psychology of Why Married Men Cheat, Part 1

In addition to Matt Lauer interviewing Dina Matos on Today this morning about New York Governor Eliot Spitzer’s prostitution sting scandal, they also brought in a panel of experts (Dr. Laura Schlessinger, anthropologist Helen Fisher, and psychologist Jeff Gardere) to examine why men cheat. (Men in general as well as men in high places.) They focused on men because they’re more inclined to do it than women. The statistic they presented was that one in five married men have cheated. (Compared to only 12 percent of married women having cheated.) So why is it men are more prone to it? … Continue reading