Was Sexual Violence Awareness Month Successful at Families.com?

As Sexual Violence Awareness Month in Queensland draws to month’s end, so too does my incessant blogging on focused issues of a sexually abusive nature. Despite this culmination of focus, I urge you all to stay vigilant and conscious of predators and their sneaky ways of operating. You may recall in The Grooming Process of a Child Sexual Predator, I highlighted that “Darkness to Light suggests that an average serial perpetrator may abuse 400 children in a lifetime”. This equates to an extremely high number of children at risk of being abused in future. None of us can be lulled … Continue reading

How to Ask a Child if They’ve Been Sexually Abused.

The hard and awful questions of are life are usually left in the too hard basket. Parents may have an inkling that something is wrong because their child’s behavior has changed. While some parents never even consider that it could be sexual abuse, other parents (like me) worry themselves sick over the possibility of sexual abuse but most will never raise it as a possibility with their child. Sexual abuse is a hard topic to begin talking about if it has not been part of at home protective behavior discussions. Mebe’s story and early craving for someone to ask him … Continue reading

The Affirming Value of a Child’s Teddy – Voices from Survivors of Sexual Abuse

Teddy bears have long been the comfort of children everywhere. In an effort to reclaim the comfort of my lounge room I have this morning been packing up hundreds of teddies left over from the 2006 Cairns Teddy Tour-A-Thon to donate to children’s charities. As the Teddies beady little eyes pleaded with me not to suffocate them with my large black plastic bags, my conscience did a real Megan act and stood up against the emotionally flat and repetitious packing actions of my hands. Determined to stay strong in my task, I shut my ears and heart to the silent … Continue reading

Not All Men Sexually Abuse Children

Australia celebrates Father’s Day on the first Sunday in September. That makes it this Sunday. Because the world’s countries celebrate Father’s day on different dates we are provided with multiple opportunities to be reminded of how special Dads are. How wonderful for those Dads that may have dual citizenship. They get to have multiple days where their protection of, and love and concern for, their children are openly celebrated. At a Protective Play Party yesterday, many of the Mums and children were talking about what they had planned as a surprise for Daddy on Sunday. Some other Mums and children … Continue reading

Sexual Predators Groom for Silence

Yesterday we looked at the grooming process that sexual predators use on children and their adult supports. The predators purposely groom to trick and manipulate others into believing that the abuser is a wonderful, caring person. Throughout this devious method of control, they also groom the child to stay silent. A threat doesn’t have to be made in anger. A soft, caring voice that warns a child that if they tell, the family will be destroyed is as effective as holding a knife to a child’s throat. Children love and trust their families; they do not want to be the … Continue reading

The Grooming Process of a Child Sexual Predator.

Grooming is a process of desensitization that predators use on children to prepare and trick them into accepting sexual abuse. Once the predator has gained the child’s trust and confidence, they use everyday behaviours, like telling an inappropriate joke, a touch on the upper arm that lingers a little too long or a kiss on the lips to test whether your child is likely to tell on them. If the perpetrator is satisfied that your child won’t tell, the predator moves onto other forms of bad touching. If the child still doesn’t tell, then the abuse continues along the continuum … Continue reading

Rock Spiders and Short Eyes: Do We Need Tougher Sentencing.

It is no secret that I am a believer in truth in sentencing for child sexual offenders: pedophiles, predators, perpetrators, abusers, rock spiders, kiddie fiddlers or short eyes. Call them what you will. They all belong to a club whose mission statement is to sexually abuse our children. It is also no secret that I err on the side of caution when it comes to long-term protection of children. I subscribe to the belief that a released child sexual offender will most likely recommit sexual crimes against children. I long for the day where program statistics will convince me otherwise. … Continue reading

Teaching Modesty: Creating a “Private Zone”

All children are vulnerable to predators—people who might want to take advantage of their innocence. Children on the autism spectrum and those with developmental delays are obviously even more at risk because of their inability to understand what behaviors are appropriate and inappropriate. An adult or older child might confuse a special needs child with terms that seem harmless like “friendship” or “hugs” or “secret.” And even if our children are never put in a dangerous situation, they could inadvertently embarrass themselves by exposing or talking about their private parts at improper times and places. Especially as our children approach … Continue reading

BITSS of Touch

Any touch can quickly turn from good to bad. So too can sexual activity and the grooming process that leads up to sexual abuse. Therefore, it is VERY important your child understands good touches/bad touches. Just as adults have the authority to say no at any time, so too do children. If someone is cuddling them and then tries to touch their private parts, children need to know this is a bad touch and they can say no and go and tell someone, even if the cuddle was good at first and they really wanted it. Most children are familiar … Continue reading

BITSS of Intuition

Intuition is the adult term for what kids know as early warning signs. It is said that females have better intuition than males because girls are more sensitive. Perhaps that’s only because some of us train our sons NOT to rely on their intuition and not to show their feelings about things. We like them to be manly: rational, sensible, scientific, and cut off from their feelings. And when male children are sensitive we put them down by telling them not to be girls/sissies/cry babies!? The other thing we often do when children show emotion is to tell them to … Continue reading