A Letter to the Drunk Guy at the Playground

policeI don’t know who you are, strange man sitting on a rock by the corner of the playground. I do know that it’s a beautiful Saturday afternoon and I’m at the playground with my two young children. We came here to have a good time, and to play with the other kids. I am not sure why you are here, but something tells me that you probably shouldn’t be.

Maybe it’s the way that you are sitting on that rock, just staring at everyone. Maybe not. That is creepy, but sometimes people are a little socially awkward like that. There’s more to it, though, isn’t there. What’s that in your hand? A giant can of beer. You are drinking a giant can of beer at the town playground, in the middle of the afternoon when tons of families are at the playground and there are little league and softball practices going on. Really? I see a paper bag next to the rock that you are sitting on, and I don’t think it’s your lunch. You just slumped off the rock for a minute and confirmed my suspicions about what is in the bag. More beer. It’s a wonder you made it back onto the rock to sit back down because you are just that drunk.

I don’t know what is going through your head right now, but I know what is going through my head as well as the heads of the other parents who are at the playground. Get out of here. Please drink yourself silly somewhere else. Somewhere where there are not children. We don’t want to have to explain to our kids what is going on, or why you are just sitting there staring at them. You know that they will ask us if they notice you there, don’t you? Some of them already have. There are not any children in that corner of the playground now. Mine are over here on the pirate ship, and I’m not letting them out of my sight.

For that matter, I’m not letting you out of my sight either. Some of the other parents and I have decided that it is time for you to go now. We’ve called a ride for you, and they should be here shortly. Here they come. You can go away calmly with the police officer, and he will explain everything to you later on when you sober up. Now we can go back to enjoying our day. We hope that you will not join us at the playground ever again. If you do, we’ll just call for someone who can give you a ride.