I’ve always loved children. I’ve been babysitting my whole life, went to school to become an elementary grade school teacher, and taught preschool for two years after graduating.
Since becoming a mother, I look at children in a totally different light. Before, kids were just kids. I liked them, and most of them were fun. However, some were cute, some weren’t as cute; some were brats, some were angels. Now, when I see a child, I think to myself, “Someone carried that child in her belly for 9 months. Someone gave birth to that baby. Someone probably loves that child more than anything else in the world.” When I’m dealing with especially troubled children, instead of being frustrated and upset with them, I often feel pity, thinking, “Were you shown the love and attention you needed when you were a baby?” When I discipline other children, I think about my daughter, and how I would want her teacher or babysitter to treat her.
All of these new points of view contribute to my sadness when I read about Torry Hansen, the Tennessee woman who put her adopted Russian son, Justin, on a plane back to Russia. He was on the 10-hour flight alone, and was carrying a note from his adoptive mother. The note stated that, due to his violence and had psychological issues, Hansen felt she could no longer parent him.
Torry Hansen decided, 6 months after adopting Justin, that it wasn’t safe for Justin to live with her anymore. She described him as being increasingly violent, even drawing pictures of their house burning down. In addition, she said that she was misled by Russia when it came to the psychological issues the boy had. For the safety of her family, she felt she had no other choice but to send him back.
I’m not going to condemn or condone the behavior of the mother or the adoption agency that were involved, because I don’t know what all went on.
All I can think about is the poor adopted boy.
First of all, even for children with no psychological issues, I can’t imagine what it must be like to fly to a different country and start a life with a new family. I think adoption is wonderful, and am considering doing it someday; however, the first weeks must be very difficult for the adopted child. They are, in many cases, moving in with complete strangers, and getting used an entirely different way of life. To live with a family for 6 months, get accustomed to a new way of life, and then be sent back would be awful for any child.
Secondly, this boy does not appear to be a “normal” child. He seems to have major psychological issues. I wonder about all the things that must have gone wrong in his life. Did his mother take care of her body while she was pregnant? Did anyone hold him, snuggle him, or play with him as a baby? What kind of environment did he grow up in? if he needed to be sent back to Russia for the safety of the Hansen family, how did it feel for him to, once again, be let down by an adult?
Third, I wonder how these types of situations can be avoided in the future. It seems to me that there needs to be more honesty between adoption agencies and families. I think adoptive parents needs to have a more realistic picture of what adopting a child (versus a baby) will mean for the adoptive family. I also think that resources, such as counseling for both the child and the family, need to be readily available.
What’s your take on this story?