I do think there is a difference between being a parent who is “in charge” and being a “my way or the highway” type of parent. I suppose that is that old comparison between being authoritarian and authoritative. Regardless of what it is called, I think that it is healthy for a family to have a little dissention in the ranks. As parents, we should be confident and involved enough NOT to feel threatened when our kids disagree.
Kids are supposed to disagree—that is part of their job. As parents, we need to be strong and comfortable enough to choose whether to entertain those disagreements or not. I admit that sometimes my kids have come up with some pretty strong negotiation points and are relationship has been strengthened by my being willing to discuss. Other times, while I might listen to what they have to say, I still maintain my stance. Overall, I think that encouraging and tolerating some dissent sets a stage for kids to be able to think on their own. They won’t be living with us forever and they will need to make personal decisions, value judgments, parenting decisions, etc. on their own. If we never let them learn how to think for themselves and question and disagree with authority, they may have a steeper learning curve when it comes time for them to stand on their own.
I admit that I have used that parenting phrase chestnut “because I said so” a time or two, but overall, I know that I am strong and reasonable enough to allow for a little dissention. After all, we are all in this together and I don’t feel threatened by a little balking and refusal on my kids’ part—plus, it helps me develop my negotiating and management skills too!
Also: Would I Watch Over Them All the Time If I Could?