Question: I’m tired of hearing breastfeeding advocates say that breastfeeding promotes bonding. I mean, am I really messing up bonding with my baby if I bottle feed? What’s the big deal?
To answer this question, you have to understand the mechanisms by which someone makes a statement like that. The short answer is yes, breastfeeding really has a monumental effect on bonding with your infant. The other short answer is no, if you don’t breastfeed, you baby will not likely experience attachment and psychological issues for the rest of his life.
What Are We Really Saying About Bonding?
Let’s first look at what is really being said about bonding. Many times, bottle feeding mothers who already feel guilty about bottle feeding come back defensively and say, “Of course my baby is attached and bonded and how dare anyone else imply otherwise. You can bond just as well without breastfeeding.” And with a mighty ‘hmph’ they’re off.
When sociologists look at bonding, they are looking for a variety of behaviors including crying, smiling, quiet alertness, etc. And again, as with all statistics, statements that are made about bonding are true for a majority in a large group. That doesn’t mean that they’ll be true for every single child.
Secondly, I have never read reputable research by anyone who says that you cannot bond if you bottle feed. This is a misquote. The research I have read says that breastfeeding promotes attachment and bonding. That is simply not the same as saying that babies who are bottle fed don’t bond with their mothers. So if you couldn’t breastfeed. . .take a deep sigh of relief.
My Own Experience
This is hardly scientific data as I only have five samples. On the other hand, my own experience has been consistent with research so I figure it’s relevant here.
My third daughter, Meghan, was a very difficult baby to breast feed. She had numerous issues, including nipple confusion. It took me a long time to get her breastfeeding properly and there were more than a few bottles of both expressed breast milk and formula. After a visit to a lactation consultant, we eventually got it all straightened out.
Then I had to wean her substantially earlier than any of my other children weaned. Not only that, but all of my other children were allowed to decide for themselves, however, due to the pregnancy with the twins. . .she was simply cut off. Granted I nursed her for almost 20 months but in our family. . .this is a fairly brief nursing relationship.
While I wouldn’t say that Meghan isn’t bonded with the family, I do think that her middle child placement, in addition to other factors had an adverse effect on her ability to get along in the family. She still is much less independent and feels strongly about her special bonding time. . .and I do wonder sometimes if part of her issues are related to nursing. My other children by this age were much more independent in their need for me and I do think that having a length period of promoting attachment through breastfeeding contributed.
Promoting Bonding
What I do need to say though, is that breastfeeding is not the only thing that parents do to promote bonding. How you birth, how you feed your baby (by cuddling while bottle feeding), how often you carry your baby vs. using the stroller, and even how often you talk to your baby are all ways in which you can bond with your baby.
Breastfeeding is definitely important, it is nutritionally superior to formula, but it is not the end all to attachment and bonding.